Falling into Grace
by Lavender Zen
Summary: **CH. 8 UP** Killing two birds with two stones never had so much meaning until Voldemort used the ultimate weapon against James Potter and Sirius Black: Lily Evans
1. Summer Holiday

A/N: Hello all! You are about to read the all-enticing third enstallment of the Falling Trilogy: Falling into Grace. You're on board for an all-out, twisty, turvy, up-side down ride as well as some easy flowing waters and tunnels full of love! Hopefully you can handle it! (Hopefully I live up to this Author's Note! :) )   
  
First things first, if you haven't read the prequels to this (Free Falling and Even Angels Fall), you don't necessarily have to, but you may be confused in some spots along the way. I suggest that you read the first two first, but you won't be too lost if you don't.  
  
Well, I'm done here! Enjoy!!!  
  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own the Harry Potter World nor do I intend to make any money off of my writing. I'm simply dabbling, so-to-speak, and developing my writing skills. (One day I'll be famous...I'll show you. And of course, I'll remember all you who have helped me along the way!) AND... I did not write the song Deora Ar Mo Chroi, that was written by Enya, and I happened to like the song for this, but, if you know the translations, I don't know how it fits...  
  
~~  
  
Falling into Grace  
Chapter One  
Summer Holiday  
  
  
  
"I'm still queasy from that airplane ride," James Potter said, unpacking his suitcase and placing his clothing into the hotel drawers. "I've never seen so many Muggles in my life."  
  
"Well, my mum and dad insisted on Muggle traveling – trust me, they weren't too thrilled – none of us were," Sirius Black replied.  
  
The Blacks took their son and three of his best friends – James Potter, Remus Lupin, and Lily Evans – on a tour of the American continent over summer holiday. Their expedition of America started in Florida. They all agreed Florida was a very nice place – certainly a lot different from their homelands on and around the British Isles: Sirius from a small town outside of Dublin, Ireland; James and Lily both a stones throw away from each other in England; and Remus from Eastern Scotland.  
  
Being so far away from each other, what could they possibly have in common? Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is the answer. They were all about to go into our seventh and final year – and they were all in the same House – Gryffindor, Home of the Brave.  
  
"It did seem that Lily was thrilled, though," Sirius commented.  
  
"You know how Lily is – loves both worlds."   
  
Lily was a Muggle-born witch, meaning her parents were non-magic people.   
  
"What's on the agenda for tonight?" James asked.  
  
Sirius shrugged. "I only tag along 'round here." He flashed James a grin. "Actually, Mum and Dad were talking about taking us out for lobster. You like shellfish, don't you?"  
  
"Of course I do – but I don't think I've ever had lobster."  
  
"It's smashing," Sirius replied, watching James put away the last of his clothing. "How about we go see how Lils is doing, yeah?"  
  
James nodded and the two exited the hotel room, went across the hall and knocked on the door. "Room service," Sirius said, acting like the hotel servers in Muggle movies.  
  
"I didn't order any room service," Lily called back.  
  
"Come on, let us in," James said.  
  
"Stop whining," she said, "I'm coming."  
  
The door opened and a gorgeous seventeen-year-old girl with auburn hair to the middle of her back and brilliant green eyes stood before them, her hands on her hips.  
  
"What could be so important that you had to interrupt my unpacking process?" she scolded teasingly.  
  
Sirius looked over at James, who eyed back. "What say we tickle her?"  
  
"I'm up for it," he replied, and they strode forward, grabbed her by her arms and started attacking her.  
  
Lily shrieked like mad and squirmed, laughing and scolding, "Sirius Kent Black, get off me this instant – ah! You too, James Alan Potter! No – no! Stop!"  
  
"Oi! Orgies are not aloud in hotel rooms," a voice called from the door that had been left ajar.  
  
The three looked up and saw Remus standing in the hallway, running a hand through his brown hair. The tired lines on his face made him look far older than seventeen, but his brown eyes shined with youthfulness. He grinned widely and stepped into the room, closing the door softly behind him.  
  
"What's going on in here?"  
  
"They decided to gang up and tickle me," Lily said, her voice full with fake resentment.  
  
"Sounds like a good plan," Remus said. Lily's eyes widened. "But, I'll let it go just this one time. Are your rooms all packed?"  
  
"Yep," James answered.  
  
"Would you expect anything less from me?" Sirius asked innocently.  
Remus rolled his eyes. "Absolutely not, Sirius, I'd expect no less from you than all your articles of clothing right down to your pants folded crisply within the merest quarter-inch."  
  
"Speaking of pants," Sirius said, "looks like you forgot a pair." He held up a rather racy pair of black underwear. "You must be saving these for Prongs over here."  
  
James turned scarlet at the mention of his nickname, and Lily's cheeks were bright pink. Lily ripped the underwear out of Sirius' grip and put them in her drawer.  
  
"Thank you for that little display, Sirius," Lily said. The three had seen her at her worst – and James, who was her boyfriend, had seen her at her best, so she was clearly unembarrassed.  
  
Lily sat down by James, interlaced her hand with his, and motioned Remus to the chair next to the bed.  
  
"How do you think Peter's doing?" she asked.  
  
"God, I hope he's okay," Remus answered. "Do you think there's an owl post somewhere around here?"  
  
"I'm sure there is," James answered. "I think it's a great idea to owl Peter – I mean, he's grieving for crissake's."  
  
All was silent. Peter Pettigrew, another best friend of the four, didn't join the holiday trip because his father passed away right after term ended while they had been traveling in Japan. Peter had been devastated as he was close to his father. They hadn't seen him since.  
  
Sirius decided to harass his mum and dad to take them to the beach to get some sun. The three guys left the room so Lily could change into her swimsuit, and Sirius went off to his parents' room while Remus and James went off to their own.  
  
"Hi, Pumpkin," Sirius' mother said once she let Sirius into her room. Despite the niceties, Sirius and his mum never got along very well and she always tried to cover it up by using pet names for him.  
  
CadahLien Black was more into sipping tea and brandy with her friends and spending thousands of Galleons a week on jewelry on the Wizarding Shopping Network. She'd run around town all day bragging to everyone she met that she was a Celtic princess. If she weren't his mother, Sirius would smack some sense into her. She would tell him that she loved him, but she also once told him that if abortion were legal, he wouldn't be there. 'Some mother,' he would think when she'd spend the savings for his term in Hogsmeade. "Not that we can't get anymore anyway," she would say. None of Sirius' friends, save James, knew how Mrs. Black was, and he wouldn't want them to find out.  
  
"Hello, Mum," Sirius answered back. "Can we go to the beach before dinner?"  
  
"Aren't you and your friends tired?"  
  
"We want to relax on the beach for a little while and then we'll have a kip before dinner so we can adjust to the time change. How does that sound?"  
  
"I think it sounds wonderful," a deep voice said from the door.  
  
Sirius turned toward the voice. His father had appeared in the doorway.  
  
Patrick Black was Sirius' hero and idol. He played Quidditch for Ireland from the time he graduated from Hogwarts until Sirius started at Hogwarts. He resigned so his son wouldn't be harassed at school. In Sirius' opinion, he shouldn't have quit; he was the greatest Keeper Britain had ever seen. Mr. Black was the one in the family who had the bragging right – but he never said a word about his Quidditch days in a bragging manner. Sirius once brought this up to him and his father replied that Mrs. Black did enough bragging for the both of them and then some.  
  
"Patrick, you can't be serious – "  
  
"No, I'm Sirius," Sirius commented, a smirk passing over his lips. Patrick's face pulled into sneer exactly like his son's and he laughed.  
  
"You know what I meant," Cadah said, glaring at the two. "It's close to eleven back home!"  
  
"Relax, Cadah," Patrick said. "You stay here and rest, I'll take the kids to the beach and we'll come back and get you before dinner."  
  
"Well…I guess I could get some use out of my new swimming suit – you know, the one with the diamond studs – heaven knows the beaches in Ireland haven't had much sun."  
  
Sirius left the room and returned to his own, put on swimming trunks, pulled on a T-shirt and slipped on sandals. He then walked to James' room and knocked.  
  
"Are you ready?" he asked when he opened the door.  
  
"Absolutely."  
  
The Blacks and company took a taxicab to the beach. The ride made all their stomachs churn – save Lily's, who was used to car rides.  
  
Once at the beach, they set up umbrellas and laid down towels, taking them out of a large picnic basket, causing the adjacent people to give them weird looks and mutter something about a lady named Mary Poppins. Lily dissolved into giggles.  
  
"Daisy, darling, could you help me with these umbrellas, you seem to know how to work Muggle contraptions."  
  
"It's Lily, Mum," Sirius corrected his mother.  
  
"Of course," Cadah said, not really listening to her son. "Do you think you could, Penelope dear?"  
  
"Sure," Lily said, giving Sirius a strange look.  
  
"Oh, and Robert, could you pull out the grill?" she asked looking directly at Remus.  
  
"No problem , Mrs. Black," Remus replied, giving Sirius the look Lily had just given him.  
  
"Oh, please call me CadahLien," she said.  
  
"That's a beautiful name," Lily commented.  
  
"Oh, thank you, Rose – you're such a sweetheart. CadahLien, in my native Irish tongue, used only in my family's Celtic palace, means 'The beautiful princess'."  
  
"Interesting," Remus said, pulling a small grill out of the large picnic basket. "Tell me more about your royal background."  
  
That did it. He said the magic words. Sirius' mother would be talking forever.  
  
"It goes way back before…"  
  
Sirius drowned her out and turned to James.  
  
"Here she goes, bullshitting again," he muttered.  
  
"You don't think these stories are true?"  
  
"Oh, they're true all right, but Mum just likes to embellish them to make her look better."  
  
"I always wondered if they were true," James said. "It's amazing how well your mum and my mum get on, I mean, they're nothing alike. I guess opposites attract. Let's lie down."  
  
James and Sirius lied down on their towels and were silent.  
  
"Hey, guys, all's quiet over here."  
  
They looked up. Lily stood over them.  
  
"Er, Lily, my love," Sirius said, "I do hope you know that your shadow's blocking out our sunlight and I'm two steps away from picking you up and throwing you in the sea if you don't move."  
  
"Ha," she replied. She spread her towel out next his and said, "I hope you don't mind lying next to me, and if you do, deal with it. I need to tan."  
  
Lily tugged at the corners of her T-shirt and pulled it off, then took off her shorts. At that moment, Sirius had to thank the almighty Merlin that he had sunglasses on – for she would have seen his eyes pop right out of his head. He had always thought of Lily as beautiful, but until that moment, he had never known her as sexy. She had perfectly rounded hips and full breasts; long, slender legs – he even thought her toes were adorable! Sirius decided that Hogwarts robes were much, much more covering than the emerald bikini she was wearing.  
  
Lily lied down on her towel and sighed in the warmth. Sirius still couldn't keep his eyes off of her. "This is nice," she commented. She looked at him and smiled. "Don't go to sleep now, love, you'll turn out to be a lobster. Which reminds me, could you put sunscreen on my back? James looks like he's busy over there."  
  
Sirius looked over at James, who smiled. "Go ahead, mate, I just want to lie like this forever. Maybe tomorrow I'll sunscreen Lily's back."  
  
"And other places," he commented dryly.  
  
"Yeah yeah," Lily said. "Would you just do it?"  
  
She handed Sirius the lotion bottle, and he squeezed a bit into his hands. She turned her back to him and he started rubbing the lotion on her back as carefully as he could. 'I can't miss a spot, or her perfect skin will be ruined forever,' he kept telling himself, rubbing her shoulders and neck, her lower back and everywhere in between. She groaned a little as he massaged, and his hands grew minds of their own.  
  
My god! Stop! he thought.  
  
You don't want to stop and you know it, said the Demon Voice in his brain. She likes it, and please don't tell me that you don't…I know you do!  
  
She's not mine to have.  
  
She very well could be. I mean, we are charming and dead sexy – everyone says so, the Demon replied.  
  
While the two parts of his conscience was busy arguing, Sirius took the advantage to pull his hands away from Lily and lied back down. She leaned over, kissed him on the cheek as a thank-you and then lied down. Sirius' blood pounded. Lily had never made him feel this way before. As many times as he had hugged her or seen her in so many different ways, he had never felt that way about her. It was mostly that she was always off-limits to him, as she had always been James' even when he didn't notice her and how much she loved him.  
  
"Are you guys sad to be starting our last year?" Lily asked. "I don't know about you, but I am."  
  
"Me too," James said. "I sure will miss our shagging adventures in the caretaker's closet."  
  
"Thanks for sharing, Monsieur Prongs," Sirius commented.  
  
"That must have been with your other girlfriend," Lily said, "'cause I've never shagged you in a caretaker's closet."  
  
"I'm only joking, love," James said softly.   
  
"Okay, that was disturbing."  
  
"I'm sorry," James said, then added with a smirk, "for once and for all."  
  
"Shut up," Lily sighed, "you're ruining my thinking time."  
  
"How hurtful," Sirius teased.  
  
"You know what – sod the both of you, I'm going into the water."  
  
Lily got up and traveled down to where the ocean met the land. Sirius could hear her giggle when the waves tickled her body. He shook his head. "That woman's a whack."  
  
"Yeah, but you've gotta love her," James replied lazily.  
  
After a few minutes of listening to Lily splash, Sirius got up and waded over to her, where she was now in waist-deep. The water was crystal-clear and warm and she was still giggling like a sprite, the water glistening on her chest. He had to look away before his eyes become glued once more, and this time he didn't have his sunglasses on.  
  
"You want to see a trick?" he asked her.  
  
"Sure, why not?"  
  
Sirius grabbed under her arms, picked her up and threw her deeper into the water, making her go completely under. She came up and gasped for breath.  
  
"Sirius!" she shrieked. He couldn't help but laugh at her anger. "I can't believe you just did that! Don't do that again!"  
  
He walked towards her again, the water now chest deep. "Watch me," he retorted, and picked her up and threw her again. This time when she came up, she splashed him with handfuls of water and he pushed her under – which was deep enough to tread.  
  
After five minutes of their water fight, Lily gave up.   
  
"I win! I win!"  
  
"No, you do not win, it's a truce," she informed him stiffly.  
  
"Call it whatever you like, but let's face the facts – I've won."  
  
"You did not win!"  
  
"Did too."  
  
"Did not!"  
  
"There's no reason to be angry about it," he said. "Just tell me I've won and I'll leave you alone."  
  
Lily stuck her tongue out at him. "Hmph! You win…not!"  
  
Sirius placed his hands over her head and pushed her under the water again and then swam off to shore, where she followed behind him, cursing the day he was born and splashing water on his back.  
  
"What the hell were you two doing out there?" Remus asked when Lily and Sirius reached their inhabited spot on the beach. "Sounded like you were beached whales." Lily rolled her eyes. "The hotdogs are done, if you want one."  
  
No sooner than Remus had handed Sirius a hotdog, three monstrous gray owls swooped in on them. The Muggles screamed, never having seen an owl in broad daylight in that part of the country, and Sirius dropped his hotdog because of the screaming.  
  
"Damn owls!" he cursed, looking at his now sand-covered hotdog.  
  
The owls dropped their charges and then swooped away.  
  
"Why in the bloody hell did they have to come here in broad daylight?" Patrick said, picking up the items. "Well, now that they're here, might as well open them – they look like they're from Hogwarts…. A letter for Lily…" he said, distributing the letters to the addressee. "One for Sirius…one for Remus…and one for James…. And the package is for both James and Lily…."  
  
They opened their letters, same old stuff as usual. Bring formal dress robes – that was something new…. A few new books, otherwise, it was the same as usual.  
  
"Oh my god!"  
  
Everyone looked up at Lily, who had made the exclamation.  
  
"What is it?" Remus asked.  
  
"They've – oh my god! They've made me Head Girl!"  
  
"That's wonderful news!" Patrick exclaimed.  
  
"Congratulations," Sirius said to her, hugging and kissing her on the cheek. "I knew you'd be it."  
  
After they settled down again, they finished opening their letters.  
  
"Guess what guys." They looked up at James now. "You're looking at the new Head Boy," James said coolly, a smirk on his lips.  
  
"No way!"  
  
They all hugged James and Lily kissed him on the cheek.  
  
"This certainly calls for a celebration," Patrick said. "We're all going out for a fancy dinner tonight – no questions asked."  
  
The four teenagers whooped at the idea and started packing up camp to head towards the hotel to get ready for dinner.  
  
* * *  
  
After their fancy dinner, Remus, Lily, and James were sitting in Sirius' hotel room, opening the package that they managed to overlook from their excitement of hearing the good news. Inside the package were the Head Boy and Head Girl badges for Lily and James and two sets of keys. Under the keys was a letter from the Headmaster.   
  
  
  
Lily and James,   
  
Congratulations on your new positions. I am very proud of the two best students in Hogwarts and I look forward to working with you both. I expect you will hold your positions with pride and help govern the school the best to your advantage.  
  
I look forward to seeing you at Hogwarts, and I request that you dine at the Head Table next to me during the Welcoming Feast. There I will be able to explain the keys and the Headroom arrangements.  
  
See you soon! Have a wonderful rest-of-summer holiday!   
  
Yours Sincerely,  
Professor A. Dumbledore   
  
  
  
"Ha, you govern the school?" Sirius scoffed at James. "I can't wait to see that happen."  
  
It was common knowledge that the three boys along with Peter Pettigrew made up the Marauders – infamous mischief-makers at Hogwarts.  
  
"You hush, Siri," Lily said. "He'll do a wonderful job, no better than anyone else could." She leaned over and kissed James on the cheek. "Well, what now?"  
  
Sirius yawned. "Bed."  
  
"Why don't you sing a song for us, Lils?" James said.  
  
"Sing?" she asked, looking slightly alarmed. "I don't sing."  
  
"Oh, yes you do – probably obliviously, but you do."  
  
Lily's cheeks turned pink and she thought for a minute.  
  
"How about 'Deora Ar Mo Chroí,'" she suggested. "My dad used to sing it to me and my sister all the time when we were growing up. It's something that his mother used to sing to him when they lived in Ireland."  
  
Lily took a deep breath and started singing. Her voice reminded Sirius of the waters at the beach, soft and crystal-clear as it rose and lowered in pitch, just like the rolling waves. He sighed and closed his eyes, listening to the Gaelic words she craftily sang:   
  
  
  
Ba dheas an lá go oíche  
Na glórtha binne i mo thaobh  
'S aoibhneas gach áit gan gruaim  
Áthas ar mo chroí go deo  
He-a-ro   
He-a-o-ro   
  
Ma shiúlaim ó na laetha beo  
An ghrian 's an ghealach ar mo chúl  
Nil uaim ach smaointe ó mo shaoil  
Deora ar mo chroí go brón  
He-a-ro  
He-a-ro  
He-a-o-ro   
  
  
  
The words she sang made no sense to any of them, but they couldn't help but feel content right down to the soul as her words hit their ending note.  
  
"That was beautiful, Lils," Remus whispered, breaking the silence. Everyone looked as if they were hit by the magic of music too.  
  
"And you said my family wasn't Irish," she said, looking at Sirius and grinning. "We're just Irish Muggles who now live in Britain."  
  
"Whatever," Sirius said, grinning back. "You're pureblooded Brit and you know it."  
  
Lily threw a pillow at him. "Well, if you aren't going to listen to my songs, I'm going to my room. Goodnight."  
  
"I'll follow," James said. Sirius clapped him on the back knowingly. "No! Not like that! I meant I was going to go to my own room."  
  
"Yeah," Remus said, getting up from the bed. "Good night all."  
  
After the three had left, Sirius stared off into space for a few minutes, thinking about the song Lily had sang and how it reminded him of something similar his grandmother used to sing to when she was still living.  
  
He got up and pulled on some pajamas, turned out the light and crawled into bed, thinking about how strange it was that it didn't have hangings. But hangings weren't the last thing on his mind before falling asleep. In fact, he was tortured all night, haunted with images that would never have come to him in a normal state of mind. Maybe it was from the sun, he told himself. Whatever it was, it kept him up half the night – most of which he spent in a cold shower.  
  
* * *  
  
Back in her hotel room after a hard day of rafting the Platte River in Northern Colorado, Lily sat reading Forever Enchanted, a Muggle romance novel about a sorceress who gets revenge on a priest by making him become her slave. In the end, the sorceress falls in love with the priest and they live happily ever after.  
  
It was Lily's mum that gave her the book, saying she needed to read a good book instead of school texts all the time. Lily never understood why her mother read these books, and she had half a mind to burn this one, but she knew that her mother would be asking her questions about the book. So, she stuck it out and started reading. The word choice was quite nice, Lily thought. She figured it wouldn't be so bad; but then she read a remarkably descriptive (not to mention kinky) passage of a sex scene. After reading that, she had to wake Sirius from his slumber to ask him if what the character were doing was even possible. He assured her it was; she raised her eyebrows and didn't bother to ask how he knew. She went back into her room and turned out the lights, thinking, Thank god James and I are normal.  
  
Now she was reading it again. She read it for shits and giggles now, cracking up into hysterics every time Selene the Sorceress would moan huskily, "John, oh, John, kiss me again."  
  
The part she was on was rather dramatic. John had just drunk a potion he had mistaken for ale and now Selene didn't know if he would live or die. Of course, Lily knew the outcome, but she thought it was rather nice to place her mind into a world that was so extremely predictable, unlike her own life.   
  
The witchdoctor was just about to declare him dead or alive when a knock came at Lily's door. She sighed and set down her book, half-heartedly shrugged on a dressing gown and pulled open the door to find one Mr. Potter standing in the doorway.  
  
"What are you doing here at this time of night?" Lily asked. "Shouldn't you be getting ready for Remus' transformation?"  
  
"Yeah, but I wanted to say goodnight before I had to go."  
  
"Oh. Well. I guess you could come in. Only for a minute though – I don't want Sirius' parents to get suspicious. They still think I'm sweet and innocent and I'd like to keep it that way."  
  
James shut the door behind him and stepped closer to Lily.  
  
"Sweet and innocent, eh? You're anything but," he lowered his tone into a very husky and seductive growl. "You're a very naughty girl, Lily Evans, and you know what I like to do with girls who've been naughty, don't you?"  
  
Lily giggled beside herself. "Oh sod off, James. You sound like a character in Forever Enchanted."  
  
"I'll have you know that those books were written about me, thank you very much," James said mock-defensively.  
  
"Then why aren't our love scenes twisted like theirs?"  
  
"You want twisted? I'll give you twisted."  
  
He then swept her off her feet and threw her on the bed. He crawled on top of her and held her hands above her head, kissing her lips, her neck, pushing the fabric of Lily's nightshirt out of the way.   
  
As he was about to continue, a knock came at the door for a second time that night. James growled in frustration from being interrupted, pulled Lily's nightgown back to cover-mode and went to the door. He opened it just a crack and tersely said, "What?"  
  
"We've got to get to Remus' room, so stop snogging."  
  
"I'll be there in two seconds," James said shortly, and shut the door in his best friend's face.  
  
"I'll have to show you twisted later," he said, turning back to Lily. "I've got to go." He pulled the covers of the unmade bed over Lily's body, leaned down and kissed her forehead. "Goodnight, sleep tight, sweet dreams."  
  
"I'll see you in the morning," Lily said, stifling a yawn. James switched off the light and opened the door. "Oh. And be careful, please. And do get some sleep; I really don't want to sit next to a crabby James Potter on an eight-hour flight."  
  
"Will do, love," James replied, looking lovingly at his almost-sleeping girlfriend. "Will do."  
  
* * *  
  
Back in Ireland, Sirius sat in his desk, his quill scratching away at a piece of parchment that was already lengthy. He sat back and blew on the still-wet ink, thinking how much he missed Icilyn Garicky, the woman he loved. Last year, if someone would've told Sirius that he'd "settle down" and only be with one woman for a long amount of time, he would have said that they had had too much butterbeer. Anyone would have said that, as Sirius' reputation was rather known around the school.  
  
But he had found the right girl, and, for the first time in his life, felt that he was out of control with his emotions. Whenever he was around Icilyn, he felt that couldn't breathe, being taken away by her beauty. Her raven hair cascading down her back and her green eyes twinkling.   
  
He shook his head and sipped his goblet of pumpkin juice. He rolled up the parchment, attached it to Mya's leg, and sent his tawny owl out the window.  
  
He gazed outside the window, watching Mya disappear. It was still early in the morning, and no doubt his three friends were still sleeping. The sun rose up over the pines, turning the sky hues of red and yellow against deep blue. The forest looked bright and green, with sounds of wildlife coming from every corner of it from chipmunk to what suspiciously sounded like a dragon. Dragons weren't common in Ireland, and Sirius was beginning to realize what the package his mother imported from Romania contained.   
  
Sirius turned away from the window and decided he'd go raid the kitchen for a snack and ask the house elves to make waffles for breakfast. He walked down several flights of stone stairs and up a long corridor until he reached a portrait of Queen Boadicea.  
  
"Why, young Master Sirius," she said pleasantly. "How art thou? Well, I presume?"  
  
"Yes, my lady," Sirius replied, bowing to her.  
  
Sirius had lived in this particular castle his entire life. He was familiar with all the portraits and statues, but Queen Boadicea was his favorite. They always played like they were set back in her day, and Sirius found it quite amusing.  
  
"I am well. And you, my queen?"  
  
"Quite well, sir. You shall pass. Good day to you, my lord."  
  
"And you, my lady." He bowed once more and walked through the portrait hole into the kitchen.  
  
Upon entering the kitchen, he found the little green elves busy mopping and scrubbing and rinsing dishes and all other sorts of cleaning. Camorra was singing a song she made up a few years ago in high soprano and Ebony was wiping down the counters, preparing to make the morning meal.  
  
"Ebby," Sirius said softly.  
  
The elf turned abruptly and raced to embrace Sirius around his knees.  
  
"Master Sirius!" she cried. "You're back!"  
  
Sirius leaned down and patted her affectionately on the back. She grabbed his hand and dragged him over to the miniature table that the house elves used.  
  
"How was your trip?" Ebony queried, motioning another house elf to bring tea and biscuits.  
  
"Just wonderful," Sirius said. "Some of the places we went were absolutely gorgeous."  
  
"Ebby was wondering when Master Sirius would be back home. She missed you very much."  
  
"I missed you too, Eb. I thought I'd come chat before I have to get onto the Hogwarts Express tomorrow, then it'll be a very long time before I see you again."  
  
"Master Sirius, Ebony just got her traveling license, so she can come to Hogwarts any day!"  
  
"That's wonderful news!" Sirius said, truly happy.   
  
Sirius loved Ebony as much as she loved him. They would spend several hours during the days of summer holiday chatting by a fire and drinking tea. Once Sirius' parents had asked him if he wanted a familiar, but Sirius wanted no other nonhuman friend than Ebony. He wanted neither dog nor cat, toad nor snake – he only wanted his Ebby.  
  
"So. What's new around here? I mean, besides gossip and material objects."  
  
"Oh, not too much," Ebony answered. "Ebony has been keeping herself busy. What's new with Master Sirius?"  
  
"Oh, not too much either," Sirius replied. "I've been fairly busy as well. Well, I'm on holiday but my friends are here, as you know."  
  
Ebony nodded, her large ears flopping madly.  
  
"Yes sir," she said. "Ebony hopes she is doing a good job, too."  
  
"Of course you are, Ebby."  
  
"That's what Miss Lily said. She said I is doing a good job."  
  
"Oh, you met Lily?"  
  
"Lovely, Miss Lily is."  
  
"Yeah she is," Sirius agreed. He took a sip of his tea and watched the other house elves do their chores, popping form one place to another. "You know what, Ebby? I think I'm going to wake up James and Remus."  
  
"Okay, Master Sirius. It was wonderful to chat."  
  
"Yes it was." Sirius got up from the tiny elf chair and bent over to kiss the top of Ebony's head. "Have a good day, love."  
  
"Ebby wishes a good day to Master Sirius too."  
  
Sirius exited through the portrait hole, bowed to Queen Boadicea, and traveled back up three flights of stone steps to the guest bedrooms. He knocked on James' door then walked in. He pulled back the bed hangings and watched James recoil in the sunlight.  
  
"Bloody hell, Sirius, it's only seven o'clock!" he exclaimed.  
  
"I've been up for hours," Sirius replied. "You can get up too."  
  
"I was having a good dream!"   
  
James picked up a pillow and chucked it at Sirius, who caught it deftly (as he was Keeper on the Quidditch team) and threw it back at his best friend, who also caught it easily (as he was a Chaser on the Quidditch team). Sirius sat down on the bed and looked at the tousle-haired James.  
  
"What's your problem?" James whined. "Can't you have left me in peace?"  
  
"No. Get up, we're going exploring today."  
  
"Exploring? How many more times do we have to explore these grounds? I mean, I know them like the back of my hand and I don't even live here."  
  
"I didn't mean getting to know the land, we've done that thousands of times. I meant that we were going to look for something."  
  
"Sirius, I'm not going to spend my day looking around for a spaceship that you've dreamt about again."  
  
"That's not what we're going to be looking for," Sirius said. "And I didn't dream about that spaceship. I saw it land in the clearing by the lake. Besides, that was two years ago."  
  
"Whatever," James said, stifling a yawn. "So what is it that we're going to look for?"  
  
"We, Monsieur Prongs, are going to be looking for a dragon."  
  
James abruptly sat up and stared at his best friend with wide eyes.  
  
"A what?"  
  
"You heard me correctly. We're going to be looking for a dragon. I thought I heard one this morning" – James groaned at this – "and my mum received a strange package last summer that she wouldn't tell anyone what it was."  
  
"Do you really think there is a dragon out there or are you just trying to trick me?"  
  
"No, I really believe there is a dragon out there."  
  
James sighed loudly in resignation.  
  
"All right, all right. I'll go looking for your damn dragon with you, but you owe me for being so bright and early. Let's go wake up Remus."  
  
The two got up, went to Remus' room a few doors down and knocked. Remus also answered the door tousle-haired and sleepy-eyed.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"We're going to search for dragons on the grounds," James answered. Sirius couldn't help but notice that James said this unenthusiastically. "Sirius is convinced that there is a dragon out there."  
  
"You live here and you didn't know that?" Remus asked.  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"I could smell it," Remus said simply.  
  
"So there is a dragon out there?" James asked.  
  
"You're seriously not going to look for it, are you?" Remus asked.  
  
"Of course we are, and you're coming with us."  
  
"Oh, no I'm not."  
  
"Yes you are."  
  
"Hey, if I have to go, you have to go, Moony," James informed his friend.  
  
"What about Lily?" Remus asked.  
  
"What about her?" Sirius replied.  
  
"Yeah, what about me?"  
  
The three boys looked up the corridor to see Lily standing a few meters away with her hands on her hips.  
  
"Uh…how long have you been standing there?" Sirius asked.  
  
"Long enough to know that you're planning to get yourselves killed."  
  
"Lily, we know what we're doing. Besides, we're all of age, we can bring our wands."  
  
"You're talking about a dragon here. Do you have any idea how dangerous, not to mention stupid, that is?"  
  
"I think we'll be just fine, love," James said.   
  
"Well, then I'm going too," Lily declared, stepping closer to the three mischief-makers, quickly making the space between them almost nonexistent.  
  
"Oh no you're not," Remus said sharply. "We may be stupid enough to go out there, but we're not going to let you get yourself killed because of our stupidity."  
  
"And if I go with you, I'll assure that you won't get killed because of your stupidity."  
  
"You know what," Sirius said. "I'm going to wake up my mum and ask her if she'll take you shopping today. The two of you will go on a nice long shopping spree. You can get makeovers, manicures and pedicures, and tons of new clothes."  
  
"Sirius, honestly, look at me," Lily said, trying to hide her rage. "I pulled myself together in three minutes; do you think I'm the type that cares about all that stuff?"  
  
She pointed to herself. She was wearing a pair of dark khaki shorts and a light yellow tank top with a black cardigan tied around her shoulders and black strap sandals. Her hair was done up in an elegant twist with a few wisps hanging around her face. All three boys thought she looked spectacular, but apparently Lily didn't think so.  
  
"It'll be good for you," James said. "You'll love the pampering. I'll even ask my mum to go with."  
  
"And I'll ask my mum too," Remus said.  
  
Lily looked a little skeptical.  
  
"Think about it, Lily," Sirius said. "You'll get a massage, facial, manicure, pedicure, new clothes, good food, whatever you want." He paused for effect, letting the thought sink into the redhead's mind. He then answered the question that Lily didn't get a chance to voice. "Since you are our best friend, we feel that you've done so much for us…"  
  
"Being our Mum Away From Mum and always looking out for us…" Remus added, catching onto Sirius' idea  
  
"Giving us your unconditional love even when we're complete arseholes…" James said, also catching on.  
  
"We want you to have an afternoon of rest and relaxation and pampering on us."  
  
Lily smiled in awe. "Really?"  
  
"Absolutely," James said.   
  
"That's the nicest thing you've ever done for me when it wasn't a special holiday."  
  
"We just want you to be happy."  
  
"And to keep us around for one more year."  
  
"Keep us around forever."  
  
Lily smiled.  
  
"Thank you all so much," she said, pulling all three young men into her arms. After letting go, she stepped back and placed her hands on her hips again. "But don't think that you can distract me from noticing everything you do." The three males glanced at each other guiltily. "But please, please, please be careful out there. I don't want to come back and find you half charred or crushed or whatever."  
  
"Promise, promise, promise," Sirius said. "Don't worry about us, it'll only ruin your day."  
  
"How can I not worry about you three?" Lily sighed. "Well, I'm glad I won't be spoiling your expedition. I'll try not to let you ruin mine."  
  
"Great!" Sirius exclaimed. "We'll go talk to our mums; you just go down to the dining room and get some breakfast."  
  
Lily kissed Sirius and Remus on their cheeks and James on the lips. She turned around and strode down the corridor and down the stairs, planning to eat a large breakfast filled with French toast, bacon, eggs, and orange juice.  
  
Today would be a day that, for once, she would worry about herself and only herself.  
  
* * *  
  
Lily was relaxing in a sauna with CadahLien Black, Geness Potter, and Zeriah Lupin. The four had just had full body massages that lasted over an hour. Lily felt limp and relaxed, yet rejuvenated.  
  
And for once she wasn't worried about her friends at all.  
  
Lily looked at the three women through the steam. They had their eyes closed in the semi-darkness. Zeriah was a petite blonde woman of about thirty-five. Lily noted that Ms. Lupin must have had Remus at a very young age; that explained why she never married, she spent all her time taking care of Remus when she was still a teenager. Remus had once said that she dated occasionally, but she had told him that she liked it when it was just mother and son.  
  
CadahLien was a very tall, thin woman that looked the age of twenty, although Lily knew her to be about the age of fifty. She had black hair just like her son, though hers flowed down to the middle of her back. She was sensible in the way that she knew what portraits went where and what looked good on whom, but she didn't seem very intelligent to Lily because she couldn't remember anything (especially names) worth a knut.  
  
Geness Potter looked nothing like her son, for she had very pale blonde hair that was waist-length, but she kept it up in elegant twists and braids atop her head. She had pretty blue eyes and long lashes. One thing she did have in common with her son was her smile. It was the same smile that James always gave Lily – not the cheesy grin, but the handsome, love-filled one.  
  
Lily loved Geness like she loved her own mother. She had only met up with her a handful of times, but there was a feeling of love emanating from her every time Lily saw her. She was looking forward to having Geness Potter as a mother-in-law, and Lily got the vibe that Geness, in turn, was looking forward to having Lily as a daughter-in-law.  
  
Lily sighed happily and closed her eyes, letting the warmth take her into deep meditation.  
  
* * *  
  
After their sauna treatment, the four women went to get makeovers due to an insistent Cadah.  
  
"And what do we want to do with you today, love?" the beautician kindly asked Lily.  
  
The beautician was a slightly plump woman wearing bright pink petal pushers and a sparkling silver shirt. She had hideous dangle earrings and several bangle bracelets and large rings. Her face was grandiosely painted with green, silver, and pink, and her lips were a blood red.  
  
"Oh…um…I don't really know…" Lily replied nervously. She was quite happy with her appearance and she hardly wanted to end up looking like the beautician….  
  
"Hmm…. Don't you worry a thing, dearest. I'm going to take good care of you."  
  
She grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her into a room with no mirrors, just supplies. She led Lily into a chair and called to the girl's companions not to worry about their friend, that she would be out when she was finished with her. Cadah, Geness, and Zeriah (who were getting their hair done at the moment) just nodded and smiled.  
  
"Just relax, love, I won't hurt you."  
  
And Lily's chair was reclined back so the woman could wash her hair. Soon a pair scissors were snipping away at her wavy locks. Lily could see several inches of auburn hair falling to the floor and her eyes widened. Never had so much hair been cut off in her life. Out came a blow dryer and her head was being pulled every which way with a round brush.  
  
* * *  
  
"I hope she's all right in there," Cadah whispered.   
  
"She's fine, I'm sure," Geness answered. "Such a pretty girl already, I can't imagine her getting any prettier."  
  
"Well if she does, all the boys at Hogwarts will be falling all over her," Zeriah said.  
  
"James told me they already do."  
  
"Poor girl," Cadah said. "To think she's so in love with James and no one else gets a chance with her…. I mean, I know what it's like to be fallen all over for when you have a one and only someone, but she shouldn't stop beautifying herself just because she's found one person she's happy with."   
  
Zeriah was about to disagree when the backroom door swung open. The beautician in hot pink pants came out and smiled brightly at the three women.  
  
"I give you," she said with a dramatic air, "the new and improved Lily."   
  
The woman stepped aside and Lily came nervously strolling out. Geness refrained from gasping, and Zeriah squealed in delight. Cadah sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest, but not out of spite.  
  
The Lily Evans standing before them no longer had long wavy hair, but straight, sleek layers of auburn that lined her face beautifully and was softly rounded at the ends. It was no longer to the middle of her back, but slightly past her shoulders. Her eyes were lined lightly with kohl and she had soft tones of gray on her eyelids that greatly brought out the emerald of her eyes; her lips were painted a pale pinkish-brown. She was wearing a soft gray tank dress that flowed to her knees and fit perfectly and she donned her black strap sandals that she had on earlier.  
  
"Oh, Lily, you look lovely," Geness said.  
  
"Stunning."   
  
"Beautiful."  
  
"That about describes how I feel," Lily replied. "Thanks. I like it too," she added, looking at her new self in the full-length mirror.  
  
"Now let's go back to the castle and show off our new selves," Cadah suggested.  
  
The three women left the boutique for the nearest Portkey station and were soon back at the Black chateau in Ireland. As they were walking up from the designated transporting area, there came a ferocious ear-piercing roar from the forest and three terrified human screams to coincide with it. The four women stopped, stunned.  
  
"They've found Emmie!" Cadah cried.  
  
"It has a name?" Lily asked, horror-stricken.  
  
"It – she was a familiar. My psychologist said I needed something that represented my inner feelings..."  
  
Three figures came darting out of the forest like lightning bolts. They raced past the four women and into the castle, slamming the great cedar doors behind them and them barring it shut. Lily shook her head and walked up the stone steps to the castle entrance and knocked gently.  
  
"Don't answer it!" she could hear Sirius say.  
  
"Why not?" Remus asked. "It's not like it's the dragon – surely they don't knock."  
  
The bar was removed and the door slowly opened to a crack. Lily saw one black eye, and then it widened. The door swung fully open and soon there were three gaping Marauders in the doorway.  
  
"Lily?" James said softly. She nodded. "What did you do to yourself?"  
  
Lily frowned. "You – you don't like it?"  
  
"Oh my god, could there be anything extremely the polar opposite?"  
  
The three looked her up and down for quite sometime, goggling and appreciating.  
  
"All right you three," Lily finally said. "I'm sure that you've worked up an appetite acting like the morons that you are. What do you say to a picnic in, oh, the forest? I hear it's really nice in there."  
  
She smiled as their eyes widened and the door slammed for a second time.  
  
~~  
  
A/N: Hope you enjoyed. Please let me know what you thought of this! I am eager to hear your comments and constuctive criticism. Thanks a million!  
  
And I'd like to give a happy, extra-special, super, warm round of applause to Jen (VenusDeMilo), who is my Beta-reader and to Nicola, my Brit-picker, without which, this story wouldn't be what it was. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  
  
Happy Reading Wherever Your Little Eyes May Take You!  
  
Lavender   
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 


	2. Business

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or his universe. He owns himself and his own universe, which is based on the Goddess J.K. Rowling's work.  
  
Falling into Grace  
  
Chapter Two  
  
Business  
  
  
  
All too quickly, summer holiday came to an end and the Marauders and Lily found themselves at Platform nine and three-quarters. The four were rather sad to see it go, but they looked forward to the year ahead of them. Of course, it would be full of adventures - when was their life not full of excitement and danger?  
  
Lily was strolling through the corridors of the train, her Head Girl badge pinned at her chest, looking for the Head Compartment. The Head Boy and Head Girl always got a compartment to themselves where there was list of things that would be happening that year for the two to discuss. But, of course, discussions weren't on the Things To Do list that James had whispered in her ear the night before.  
  
She smiled, slightly blushing as she walked into the Head Compartment. When she walked in, her jaw dropped and she gasped. Instead of it being the smallest compartment on the train (which was what it looked like from the outside), it was the largest compartment Lily had ever seen in her life - and she had been on many trains. There were several leather couches and armchairs, a grand window to view the passing scenery, a cupboard which Lily guessed was full of snacks, and an icebox holding a bottle of elderflower wine. There were vases of flowers on an elegantly carved coffee table with several cards standing by them stating "Congratulations."  
  
"Wonderful, isn't it?" A voice said in her ear.  
  
Lily jumped and turned around, only to be caught around the waist by James. He pressed his lips against hers and held them there until a voice broke into their "quiet time."  
  
"Thank the almighty that you two have your own compartment. Better be soundproofing it soon."  
  
"You hush, Sirius. The compartment is used for Head Boy and Head Girl, not for lovers."  
  
"Whatever, your highness," Sirius said with a mocking bow at Lily. "The Head Boy and Head Girl just happen to be lovers; use the compartment to your advantage. I'm sure you didn't get any peace at my house...." He winked at James, then eyed the door to the compartment skeptically. "Let me see this compartment anyway; I hear it's damned grandiose." He pushed James and Lily out of the way. "Holy Irishmen! This thing is friggin' huge! This is totally not fair!"  
  
James laughed at his best friend's accent. Over the seven years the five friends had been together, both Sirius and Remus' accents had softened, but they came out when they showed strong emotions or were really tired.  
  
"What? Making fun of my Irish again?" Sirius asked, crossing his arms over his chest. "You've been making fun of my Irish-ness since the day you were born."  
  
James put on an Irish accent.  
  
"Oooh, look at me, look at me, I'm the leprechaun, they're always after me lucky charms. Is that a keg o' O'Paddy's? Screw the friggin' lucky charms - I'ma get meself smashed."  
  
Sirius laughed good-naturedly and Lily was trying to suppress giggles. James clapped Sirius on the back and told him to get lost. He kissed Lily's cheek and left the couple to their very own compartment.  
  
"Well, let's get down to business."  
  
"All right!"  
  
"No, not like that, mister," Lily said. "I meant, let's start working on our list."  
  
She pointed to the piece of parchment sitting on the window seat. James couldn't help but notice that it was a really long piece of parchment.  
  
"I didn't know being Head Boy would include so much work."  
  
"It's a privilege," Lily stated. "Besides, we're in charge of almost everything the student body does. We control Hogsmeade weekends and feasts and holiday balls and graduation." She shot a sly look at James. "If you aren't up to being Head Boy, I'm sure that Sirius or Remus would be more than happy to take your place and be up here with me."  
  
James cocked an eyebrow.  
  
"I wasn't suggesting that I wasn't up to it," he said. "I was just commenting on how much work it was going to be. And the more work we have, the more fun we'll have...if you know what I mean..."  
  
"Yes, I think I do. Now get your mind out the gutter and close the door; we've got work to do."  
  
Lily picked up the parchment and sat down on a leather couch. James found two goblets and poured the elderflower wine, handing a goblet to Lily.  
  
"Trying to get me smashed, are you?" she said, not looking up from the list and taking a sip of wine.  
  
"Wouldn't dream of it."  
  
"Good." She paused to take another sip, starting to feel a bit warmly relaxed already. "You know, we get our own rooms this year...that should be an adventure." She looked up and smiled at James, who looked slightly abashed that she had made that comment. "Down to business...the first thing on our list is to learn all the passwords. We've got nearly two hundred passwords to learn and we get the privilege of changing them each month."  
  
"There are that many passwords?" James asked.  
  
"Yes, but I assume you already know two-thirds of them, as two-thirds of them don't get changed at all."  
  
"Quiz me."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "Do you think we have time for this? I don't think we do." She drained her glass and James poured more into it. "I'll leave the passwords up to you. Wait, on second thought, I think I'm going to have to supervise so you don't come up with something completely offensive."  
  
James put a hand over his heart. "Are you accusing me of such a thing?"  
  
"Damn right I am," Lily said. "Now onto our next subject. Oooh, look at that, there's a ball this year. We're in charge of invitations and decorations. That should be exciting...." James smiled at the sarcasm. "We've got hallway patrol and meetings to conduct and Quidditch matches to plan..."  
  
Lily continued on for the next half hour about the duties the two of them would have as Head Boy and Head Girl. James listened silently the whole time, shocking Lily that he could be so quiet.  
  
"Are you okay, James?" she asked. "Do you have any questions?"  
  
A sly smile spread across his countenance and he leaned forward and whispered the question that had been on his mind for the last half hour into her ear. Lily giggled nervously and allowed his lips to capture hers in a searing kiss.  
  
* * *  
  
After the Sorting Ceremony, Headmaster Dumbledore stood and gave his usual start-of-term speech, announcing Lily Evans as Head Girl and James Potter as Head Boy. There was mad cheering from the crowd, especially Gryffindor table. The Slytherins clapped politely, although they didn't look too happy that two Gryffindors had gotten the positions.  
  
After Dumbledore instructed everyone to eat and the food appeared on the tables, the Headmaster and Head Boy and Girl sat down, James on Dumbledore's left, Lily on his right.  
  
"I want to congratulate the two of you once again," Dumbledore said, forking turkey onto his golden plate. "I am very proud of you."  
  
"Thank you, sir," Lily said, sipping her glass of pumpkin juice. "We're very happy to have this position, aren't we James?"  
  
James, who usually ate like he had been starved during the summer holiday, was slicing his ham neatly and politely chewing. He nodded and Dumbledore beamed at him.  
  
"Wonderful!" the Headmaster exclaimed. "Now I'm sure you're curious as to what I wrote in my letter to the both of you. The keys are for the rooms you will be using and one of them will open any door. I'm sure you can figure out which keys are which."  
  
Lily nodded again and smiled when James gave her wink that Dumbledore couldn't see.  
  
"As for the Headroom arrangements, Head Boy and Girl get their own rooms, as you know. This year, I've decided that the two of you could have your own quarters. One quarter."  
  
"But, sir, isn't that against school regulations?" Lily asked.  
  
"Well, I thought I could bend the rules this year. You two are obviously very much in love and I'm sure you've discussed marriage..." Both Lily and James blushed. "And the foremost reason is because you two have been through a lot together. After you both were kidnapped on separate occasions, I felt that to keep the two of you safer is to have you by each other's side constantly - even in the middle of the night." He paused and looked at his two pupils. "I do hope you don't have any conflicts to sharing a room."  
  
"No, not at all, sir," James said. "It most definitely won't be a problem."  
  
"Wonderful!" the elder wizard cried jovially. "Now let's enjoy this marvelous feast the house elves have prepared."  
  
* * *  
  
"I've got to see this."  
  
"Isn't supposed to be huge?"  
  
"And Dumbledore didn't care at all that he was promoting sex?"  
  
"He was not promoting sex," Lily said, climbing up the staircase to the girls' dorms. "He said that it was so we could protect each other."  
  
"No, I like the sex theory better."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "Please, you guys, shut up!"  
  
It was silent the rest of the way up the staircase until they reached the top of the staircase where there was only a landing and a huge bay window looking out on the forest. There was also a monstrous tapestry of two swans sitting on a lake, their beaks pressed together and their necks and bodies forming a heart.  
  
Typical, Lily thought, but she smiled and looked at the four Marauders.  
  
"I suspect this is the tapestry he was talking about," James said lifting the material and looking behind it. "Hey, there's only a blank wall."  
  
"I suspect, dear, that you have to say the password," Lily said. "Move out of the way."  
  
Lily went behind the tapestry, whispered "Lovebirds," and the wall shifted into and archway for them to enter.  
  
"It's so huge!" Sirius exclaimed after he had pushed his way through to get in second.  
  
The quarters really were huge. They walked into a mediocre-sized sitting room which had a grandiose fireplace with two high backed leather armchairs in front of it and a large crimson sofa along another all. Along the remaining wall were colorful paintings and full bookshelves. A door to the right lead to a bedroom, where a large four-poster bed with crimson and gold hangings could be seen. A door off to the left that lead into a massive coral-colored bathroom and a set of French doors straight ahead lead to a veranda.  
  
Lily was awed. "Isn't it wonderful James?" she asked, patting the head of a lion statue.  
  
"This is all ours?" he said in disbelief. "I wonder how grand the other Head Boys' and Girls' rooms were."  
  
"Not nearly as," Sirius commented, sniffing the fresh flowers in a vase that sat on the coffee table. "Icilyn's room was tiny. She often chose to sleep in the dormitory with the other girls, though." He ran into the bedroom and jumped on the bed, ruffling the crimson duvet comforter. "This thing is massive. All five of us could sleep on it and not see one another all night."  
  
"Well, I'll keep that in mind if I ever want to have the three of you sleep over," Lily said, rolling her eyes. "Now if you don't mind, you are ruining our bed and I am tired and if you don't get down those stairs soon, the girls will see you and think you were trying to spy on them."  
  
"Yes, your highness," Sirius said for the second time that day. "We shall leave. Have a good sleep."  
  
James rolled his eyes and watched his three best friends walk out the archway. He then turned back to Lily and wrapped his arms around her waist from behind. "Look at that, love," he said. "This will be our very first bed that we are allowed to sleep in without anyone giving us a ruckus about it." He paused, a sly smile passing over his lips unbeknownst to his girlfriend. "Do you know what I'm thinking?"  
  
"You've got to be kidding me?"  
  
"Well, we do need to make it our own...."  
  
"Oh please, James. You're as bad as Sirius - sometimes worse. I don't know how I put up with you."  
  
James shrugged. "It was just a suggestion."  
  
"I'm sure it was.... Besides, we've got classes tomorrow, I certainly don't think we should be up half the night doing only god knows what with your dirty mind. Now if you don't mind, I'm going to bed while you can spend your time fantasizing somewhere else."  
  
James rolled his eyes. "You know I was only joking."  
  
"Sure, sure."  
  
Lily pulled off her clothes and rummaged through the dresser for her pajamas. She crawled into her bed and instantly fell asleep between the warm sheets. James pulled the covers up to her chin and smoothed them over her body. He kissed her forehead, blew out the candles, and pulled the hangings closed.  
  
* * *  
  
Lily awoke the next morning and looked over at James' sleeping form. She smiled, thinking about how great it was to wake up next to him and not to worry about getting into any kind of trouble.  
  
James stirred in his sleep, opened his eyes slowly and looked up at Lily.  
  
"Watching me?" he asked.  
  
Lily smiled and kissed James' forehead. "I'm going to shower."  
  
Twenty minutes later, James was showering and Lily was making herself up when a knock came at the toilet door. Lily, who only had mascara on one eye, cracked the door open to see Sirius standing there. She rolled her eyes at him, wondering what he could possibly want this early in the morning.  
  
"What is it?" she snapped.  
  
"You two aren't showering together? Or are you? As he couldn't see Lily's body, he pushed the door open and saw that Lily was fully dressed while James was showering. The shower had three glass walls and one stonewall, Lily rolled her eyes as Sirius waved at James, who waved back, seemingly oblivious to the fact that he was stark naked. She smiled and shook her head.  
  
"Nothing fazes you guys, huh?"  
  
"Nothing at all, love. Can I speak to you out here?"  
  
Lily agreed to speak with him but only after she finished applying her makeup. She shut the door in Sirius' face and continued to apply her beautifying supplies.  
  
"I can't believe you guys...him walking in here like that! That was disturbing."  
  
James shrugged. "We're best friends."  
  
"Yeah, he's my best friend too but I don't go around looking at him while he's naked."  
  
"You don't? I thought that's what all best friends did. I see you naked all the time and you're my best friend too. You should go out there and see if Sirius will strip for you."  
  
"I don't doubt that he would," she replied dryly.  
  
"And then you can have a shagging party." Lily's jaw dropped slightly. "And when I'm finished showering, I'll invite Britannia Watson up here to join in...she was rather fun, if I say so myself."  
  
Now Lily's jaw really dropped.  
  
"Jerk!" she shrieked.  
  
She leaned over the sink and turned the handle on the left side of the faucet. Hot water came streaming from the tap, steam fogging up the mirror. Lily smirked and walked out of the bathroom, slamming the door behind her. She practically rolled with laughter when she heard James shrieking at the cold water that was now spraying down upon him.  
  
"What was that?" Sirius asked, his eyebrows knitted in confusion.  
  
"Oh, he was being an arsehole, so I turned the hot water tap on."  
  
"Which would...?"  
  
"Oh honestly, Sirius, it made the shower water cold!"  
  
"Why didn't you just use your wand to do that?"  
  
"Urgh! Never mind," Lily spat. "What is it that you want?"  
  
Sirius produced a piece of parchment from his robes and handed it to Lily, who looked it over gingerly.  
  
"A Homemaking-slash-Book Club?" Lily asked, looking back up at Sirius. "Where did you get this?"  
  
"It was posted in the Prefects' Bathroom - yes, I know I'm not a prefect, stop looking at me like - that but I was in there this morning and I saw this sign. It starts in two weeks and I think I want to take it up."  
  
"Siri, love, are you sure you're feeling well?" Lily placed a hand on Sirius' forehead.  
  
"Yes, I am. If I join this club, I'll have something to keep my mind busy. Besides, it couldn't hurt to learn how to whip up some cooking spells or how to sew."  
  
"You need to get out more. Just because you love Icilyn more than anything doesn't mean you're married yet. Why don't you find a nice witch to hang out with on a Hogsmeade weekend?"  
  
"Earth to Lily - not going to happen. Just because you and James aren't married doesn't mean you can go around shagging whoever you want."  
  
Lily rolled her eyes. "I wasn't suggesting that you shag another girl, Sirius and you know that."  
  
"Sure you weren't.... And I'm joining the Homemaking-slash-Book Club."  
  
"Please tell me you're being sarcastic."  
  
"Nope."  
  
"Lily, where are the towels?"  
  
James was standing in the doorway of the bathroom, still in his birthday suit and dripping water everywhere.  
  
"You're getting water all over the floor, James!"  
  
"Yeah. I wouldn't be if you hadn't have moved the towels."  
  
"I didn't move them, they're still in the closet."  
  
James turned around and looked into the closet. "Oh...I found them." And he disappeared into the bathroom, closing the door behind him.  
  
"I take back what I said," Sirius stated after a moment of silence.  
  
"What's that?"  
  
"You two are practically married already!"  
  
* * *  
  
Classes had started, and were already proving to become stressful for the seventh years, as the NEWT Exams would be given at the end of the year. Professor McGonagall had given them a fifteen-inch essay on the difference between human transfiguration and Animagi on the first day. Sirius winked at Lily when McGonagall showed the class her cat form and explained how difficult it was to become an Animagus. Lily just shook her head and smiled.  
  
Right after dinner, James and Lily held a prefects meeting, welcoming them back to the new year of patrolling and rule keeping. Afterwards they celebrated the upcoming events with butterbeer and several wizarding snacks. As the party concluded and everyone left, James received an owl from Sirius, telling him to get his arse down to the Quidditch pitch for an emergency team meeting.  
  
"You go ahead," Lily said, looking over James' shoulder at the note. "I'll finish up here, it's not a big deal."  
  
James nodded, kissed Lily on the cheek, and headed towards the Quidditch pitch. Upon arriving, he saw the two remaining Gryffindor team members, Sirius Black and Emily Watson, a sixth year and James' ex-girlfriend, Britannia's, younger sister.  
  
"We've really dwindled down," James said when he entered the changing room. "I guess we'll have to scout for new talent. We need one Chaser, two Beaters and a Seeker. Why did Lizabelle have to graduate?"  
  
Sirius smiled. "Well, mate, Emily and I were having a discussion before you came?"  
  
James raised his eyebrows in interest. "Oh?"  
  
"And we decided that although Sirius keeps all the shots from going in, it's you that places the Quaffle through the opposing hoops," Emily informed.  
  
"So, we decided that He-Who-Wins-The-Games should be He-Who-Leads-The- Team."  
  
James' eyes brightened as he realized what his two friends and teammates were telling him. He smiled wide in awe and accepted the box that Emily handed to him. Inside, there was a golden triangular badge that read "GQC" in the center and "Gryffindor Quidditch Captain" along the sides.  
  
"You made me a badge...how sweet of you." He pulled Sirius and Emily into a group hug, clapping them on their backs. "Well, now that we've got the mushiness out of the way, let's start our talent scouting.... Any suggestions right off hand?"  
  
"Third year Michelle Ellis as Chaser," Emily said. "My little sister is her best friend and she's always played with my family; she's really good on a broom."  
  
"If she'll join, we only need two Beaters, and a Seeker."  
  
"Fifth year Daniel Mottinger for Beater along with Jesse Wilde the sixth year."  
  
"All right," James said, "time for a Seeker.... Any ideas at all?"  
  
"We need someone with sharp senses and good eyes. They have to have fast reflexes and can pay attention easily while searching stealthily for the Snitch."  
  
I think we have a man of that stature," Sirius said, rubbing his afternoon stubble-covered chin.  
  
"Who?" James asked.  
  
"Tell me, do you think Remus would be up for it?  
  
* * *  
  
Lily had just finished Banishing all the trash into the dustbins and started on sweeping the floor when a cold chill ran up her spine. She figured there was a crack in the windowpane letting in the late evening air. She moved to pull the heavy drapes closed, but as she strode over to the window, she hit a seemingly invisible wall - which let out a violent buzz as it zapped her. The jolt wasn't strong enough to knock her unconscious, but it did throw her to the floor.  
  
She looked around frantically as she got to her feet. She picked up a footstool and slowly walked towards the door. Three feet before the door, a buzz sounded and Lily felt the chair vibrate. She continued around the room, checking in various places until she was certain that the force field was all around the room. She growled in frustration, wondering if the past Head Boy and Girl placed the charm on the room so there would be no break- ins. But why would the charm be on the entire room? Peeves, maybe? The school poltergeist would certainly love to get his hands on and destroy the papers recording the school affairs.  
  
Lily could see out the door a few feet on either side of it.  
  
"Is anybody out there?" she called. "Can you here me?" She waited for a reply, but she could hear nothing, not even a mewl from the caretaker's smelly cat. Someone had to have heard her. It couldn't have been possible that no one was out there. A few feet away was Professor McGonagall's office, where she inhabited nearly every hour of her free time. "Can anyone hear me? Is anyone out there? If you can hear me, I'm stuck in the prefects' room! Please! Anyone?"  
  
"It's no use," a cold voice said in Lily's ear, and she felt a breath of hot air on her neck. "No one can hear you." She knew that voice instantly and she didn't have to look into the red eyes to know that the person standing next to her was none other than Lord Voldemort.  
  
Lily started and backed up abruptly, almost hitting into the force field again. She drew her wand from her pocket and pointed it shakily at the Dark wizard.  
  
"I'll take that, thank you," he said. He held out his hand and Lily's ten and a quarter inch willow wand flew from her hand and into the outstretched one of the Dark Lord. "I'm not going to hurt you...well, not technically anyway."  
  
Lily's eyes widened as the wizard pocketed her wand and smiled at her calmly. He snapped his fingers and she felt her legs go rigid then start to move as if her brain was out of control and her limbs were taking over. They led her to a chair at the table and sat her down. Her whole body then went rigid from the neck down and as hard as she tried to move, as much as she struggled, she could not make a single finger even wiggle.  
  
Voldemort smiled and sat down on the chair across from Lily. He drummed his fingers on the table and said, "So, anything really important that you need to tell me before I launch into an unneeded and undeserved explanation?"  
  
Swallowing what she could of her fear (which wasn't much, she was facing the Dark Lord after all), she said, "You've put our lives through hell, go terrorize someone else for a change." Her voice was shaking, and if she were in control of her body, it would have been shaking too.  
  
"Ah, see, that's what I can't do. James - Lord Mordred - is my son and heir - even if he isn't on the winning side. I shall never leave you. You should know that by now. I feel it was fate that targeted you to me, which led James to coming into my life. I don't regret anything, no matter how absurd it seemed for me to be paired with you. You were a young girl of fifteen. You were what I needed. Not what I wanted. But when I look at he whole scheme of things coming into play, you are exactly what I want now, not to mention need."  
  
Lily thought back through nearly two years worth of memories, which nothing could ever make her forget. She knew he didn't desire her then, but was rather appalled at the thought of his having to have a "Mudblood" for his heir's birthmother. Then James and Sirius had come at exactly the right moment and took her back to the castle.  
  
After that, James started receiving letters from the Dark Lord and was kidnapped. He was angered that James had taken away Lily, but mostly, he knew that there was a way to get James over to his side - harm coming to his loved ones, and showing care and love for him as a type of manipulation. James was named Lord Mordred, but literally seconds before he took the Dark Mark.  
  
Now they were happily at Hogwarts again, looking forward to a year without interruption, and here was the Dark Lord again, seeking out Lily for revenge on James, and Sirius, as well as herself.  
  
Lord Voldemort examined his elegantly manicured hands then folded his arms and looked at Lily thoughtfully.  
  
"I have just the plan for you, m'dear," he said. "I will give you the power to fulfill the desires of those closest around you. I know you're thinking that's a good thing, and it is. The spell is similar to me placing the Imperius on you, strange as that sounds. But for me - ah, ah - don't speak."  
  
Lily had opened her mouth, but Voldemort snapped his fingers again and her jaw was clamped shut. She could only make moaning and squealing noises as she tried to pry her teeth apart.  
  
"See what you're getting yourself into by disagreeing with me?" the Dark Lord asked, not unpleasantly. "I know you're thinking that all this is for me, and it is, but you'll be helping all your friends too. All I'm asking is you do this for me, and I'll leave you all alone to Sister Fate. It's about as simple as that." He looked at the struggling Head Girl in front of him. "I suppose I should get this over with. I've got some other things to attend to."  
  
He stood and pulled out his wand. Lily's eyes widened and she stopped trying to move her unmoving limbs. Voldemort looked at her sympathetically.  
  
"It's a shame you won't remember this meeting. It's been so pleasant." Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and thought of the incantation he wanted to use. He opened his red, snake-like eyes and stared into Lily's emerald ones, and roared, "Ser ised evig sreht oot nu! "  
  
* * *  
  
"Lily?" James called when he entered his quarters. "Lily? Where are you?"  
  
No answer. He figured that she might have still been down in the prefects' room, so he traveled down to the stairs to the room and saw through the door that was ajar that Lily had fallen asleep with her arms pillowing her head on the table. He smiled at first, then an eerie feeling crept over him as he entered the room.  
  
He shook Lily gently and she looked up at him. "All partied out, eh?"  
  
"Party?" she asked, looking confused. "What party?"  
  
"I'm sure you had yourself a bit too much butterbeer."  
  
"Butterbeer?"  
  
"Let's get you back to Gryffindor Tower. Up we go," he said as he grabbed her hand. Immediately after Lily stood, her legs seemed like wet noodles and she fell to the floor with a loud thud.  
  
"Oh my god!" James cried. "Lily, are you okay?"  
  
"My legs must have fallen asleep, I couldn't feel them at all and now they're tingling."  
  
"Are you sure you're okay? Nothing broken?"  
  
"James, I just fell; nothing major. I'm not very breakable you know."  
  
She looked up at James, and felt her mind searching his brain for his desires on a wild instinct. He wanted to know that she was all right. Which she was; she wondered why he was so worried.  
  
"I'm all right, James," Lily said. "Really, I am. I've just got a headache and I'm tired, that's all."  
  
"Well, if you're sure..." James said uncertainly, feeling as if there was something Lily was hiding form him. It wasn't like her to fall asleep somewhere and not finish a task. It wasn't like her to not remember what she had done. There was something strange going on, but he wasn't going to pry too much, since he knew how Lily got when someone was invading her personal space.  
  
Maybe it is just a headache, he told himself, still wondering why she hadn't at least owled him to tell him that she was going to bed without finishing. Or why she hadn't gone to bed in the first place. But he took her hands in his without further questioning and helped her up to her feet and kissed her softly on the top of her head before leading her away from the prefects' room and up to Gryffindor Tower.  
  
Lily crawled into bed with James and fell asleep instantly in James' warm embrace. But James did go to sleep for a long time. He stayed up and thought about his life and the things that were going on within and around it. Quidditch Captain, Head Boy, in love with an amazing, beautiful, and smart witch, and best friends with Sirius, Remus, Peter - the most loyal people he knew.  
  
For the first time in a long time, James felt that he was safe and secure in his own bed, with is own life, in his own skin.  
  
James Alan Potter felt he had it good.  
  
* * *  
  
A/N: Thanks to all those who have waited patiently for this chapter. Computer crashed. Lost chapter two. Started a new story. Then had to get back to FG before an angry mob sent flames and burned my house down! Enthusiastic, I know. But you can check out my other story too! It's an L/J (of course) and it's called Illicit Love, if you want to just click the pretty little link above that will send you to my profile.  
  
Please forgive grammar and spelling mistakes. I couldn't wait for this chapter to be beta-ed and brit-picked. Too many reviews and emails demanding an update. At least there were no life threats this time, like in Even Angels Fall. (You know who you are! J)When I get the improved version, I'll have to post it, so I don't get flamed for stupid little mistakes (knock on wood). And, the title of this chapter is stupid, I personally think. So, please forgive me!!!  
  
Well, anyway.  
  
Thanks times infinity to all those who have reviewed. I read each one twice and thrice and take each one into heart.  
  
* iluvoliverwood - (don't we all? He's so cute!) - My precious purveyor of Union Jack bikinis and I 3 Cabana Boys T-shirts! I 3 U! CadahLien is a made up name, and that is how I got Liena Moriah, but I can't really remember how I got Liena Moriah out of that, really. Just like you, I'm shrouded by identities (uh...like three). I can never be myself while being...er...myself. And no one at Thorn and Buck adores my story! Only you. Everyone adores Molly Moon's though. Maybe I should too. And I don't think PGU would like this too much. Too much Lily. And congrats for getting the longest message! Email or owl me sometime - I'd love to hear from you!  
  
* sCHEm - Like I said in the IL thank-yous, I'd love to check out your story!  
  
* Sineadluv - Hey you! I haven't heard from you in a while. But thanks for letting me know you're still around by reviewing!  
  
* Ruby  
  
* Beck  
  
* Dandylion345  
  
* Tinkerbell  
  
* SoccerGirl2005  
  
* Martine  
  
* Kool-Aid - I'll try to get these chapters up faster than EAF, but I kind of like the suspense of leaving you hanging! But don't worry, I won't be brutal this time around.  
  
* -_- -- Yes...Sirius can be yours as well as mine and as well as whoever wants him. The only person who can't have him is.LILY!!!!  
  
* *~Darling Lily Evans~*  
  
* Princess Osiris  
  
* Sweetlily/gigi  
  
* Lilz  
  
* Zetta - did you get my email? I sent it to the address you left at the end of your email. If not, thank you so much for taking the time to tell me in detail how you felt about my trilogy!  
  
* LOVE IT  
  
Thanks a million! If you want to know when chapter 3 will be out, leave me your email address and I will add you to my FG Mailing list to inform you of updates.  
  
Emails and AIMs are certainly welcome! k_wayment@hotmail.com & Screenname = CadahLien. (hmm.where did that name come from, I wonder!)  
  
Happy reading!  
  
~Lavender 


	3. III

A/N: Thank you to everyone that has waited patiently. I do apologize for making you wait for so long. Well, the writer's block is now gone and I'm currently working on chapter four! Yay for me! After the chapter, there will be more author's notes – don't forget to read them! 

As a second note, I've learned that people are reading this story without reading _Free Falling_ or _Even Angels Fall_ and are getting extremely confused. It's a _trilogy_, people! You _Must_ Read the First Two (or at the _very_ least the second part) Stories in the Trilogy To Understand This One. Now I know that sounds like a lot of work, but, _please_, spare me the _"I don't get it"_s. It's the very least you could do for me. *smiles*

Also, I've run out of chapter title ideas. After FF and EAF and now Illicit Love, I just can't do it anymore. 

**This chapter is lovingly dedicated to my "other half" (as we're Two of a Kind), **Nicole** (aka Zetta). **Thank you**** for everything you do for me, listening to my BS and complaints, and being my first reader.** So much encouragement, so much stalking, so much talk, so little time. Glad that you're there for me, and I'll always be there for you!

**Disclaimer:** None of this is mine. Only the names/places you don't recognize, and stuff like that.

Falling into Grace 

**Chapter Three**

"I've got the greatest idea," Sirius whispered one snowy November evening.

"What's that?" Remus asked tiredly. Since he had agreed to become Seeker on the Quidditch team, he hadn't slept very well. He didn't know why, but he could just _feel_ a disturbance.

"Well, I've got two ideas. One is to charm the dungeons so the Slytherins can't get out."

"That's a great idea?" Remus asked, knitting his eyebrows.

"It is. Anyway, my second idea is to have a party –"

"We have parties all the time."

"Remus!" Sirius grunted in frustration. "Would you drop the sarcasm and listen to me? We should throw a special celebration on Christmas Eve for James and Lily's anniversary. I mean, two years is a long time for a teenage relationship."

"That's a great idea!" Remus exclaimed. "Now go bother someone else with your brilliant ideas. It's not like we all didn't know they'd make it this long."

"Ouch. Someone's rather cranky. What's wrong with you?"

Remus shook his head. "I'm just giving you shit. I'm sorry, I'm just tired."

"It's fine. You go get some sleep, I'm going to go bug Lily and James."

"Tell them goodnight for me, would you?"

Sirius nodded and patted Remus's shoulder before getting p and walking up the stairs tit he room James and Lily inhabited. He said the password and walked in, exclaiming, "Knock, knock."

Lily, who was brushing her teeth, poked her head out of the bathroom and waved wither her free hand.

"We're not home," James called from the bedroom.

"That's okay, I can try back later."

Lily came out of the bathroom wearing a black silk nightgown. Sirius felt his heart rate increase. She looked into his eyes for a few seconds, as if she were reading his mind (which was unusually full of dirty thoughts), then smiled. She took a step forward, then as if confused, took two steps back.

"What are you doing here?" She asked, not exactly unfriendly.

"I just wanted to come here to hack you both off."

"That's lovely. The last thing I want to do before I go to bed is see you."

"That was harsh," he replied.

"I'm kidding." She stepped forward again and hugged him. "Good night."

"Good night."

James came out of the bedroom and Lily said she'd wait up for him.

"Hey Sirius, what's up?"

"Not much. I just wanted to say good night."

"Remus was tired of putting up with you, eh?" Sirius grinned. "You've been at it all day. Did you take a hyper potion or something?"

"It must be the moon tide or something because I've been out of it."

"I know, we all have – it's not just you. You've been a goofball, Remus has been irritable, Lily has had conflicting emotions, and I've been working overtime with Quidditch and Head Boy-ism and trying to keep the three of you from arguing all the time."

"We're very thankful," Sirius said, his hand over his heart. "The things James Potter does to save our lives. My hero." James rolled his eyes. "Do you want to have guys' night? There's an empty bed in the dorm..."

"You really want me to spend the night?"

"You're are bestest friend, how could we not?"

"All right. Let me go tell Lily."

James went to hug and kiss Lily goodnight. Then he went to the seventh year boys' dorm. The four young men laughed and joked and talked all night. They talked about love interests and girls and classes. They made plans for the next full moon. They talked about plans for Christmas and plans for after graduation. They were up extremely late until the early hours of the morning, just nearly before sunrise.

At nine-thirty, Lily came into the room and opened all the drapes, letting in the late morning sunlight. The four cringed, groaned, and pulled the covers over their heads.

"Have you guys been drinking?" she asked, placing her hands on her hips. "If you have, I'm getting your arses up and we're going for a walk."

"Lils, we haven't been drinking. We were up until the crack of dawn. Leave us alone," Sirius said.

"It's your own damn fault! I'll go by myself then, thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Have fun," Peter said. Lily walked out of the dorm, growling, "Arseholes," then slamming the door.

"What are we arseholes?" Remus asked.

"I don't know, nor do I care," Sirius said. "I'm going back to sleep."

* * *

Lily walked around the lake, throwing bits of bread into the water for the giant squid. She had met up with Icilyn Garicky, who was in town for the week.

"So how's school?" Lily asked.

"Really well," the older woman replied, brushing her long black hair from her face. "How's Sirius?"

Lily thought for a moment. "Same old Sirius. He missed you a lot, though. He'll be so happy that you're here. He didn't want to get his ass out of bed this morning though."

"That's okay, I'll surprise him sometime later."

"He'll love it. James never does anything very romantic for me anymore. Here you've got Sirius writing poetry for you and I've got the Quidditch Fool. His idea of romance is pizza, butterbeer, and listening the Quidditch game on the wireless." Icilyn giggled. "I've got the wrong man! I'll give you James plus fifty galleons for Sirius."

Icilyn's smile was wide and her eyes were dancing. "He is great, isn't he?"

The finished their loop around the lake, listening to their feet crunch in the path of snow.

"How about we go up to Gryffindor Tower and sit by the fire? Then I'll get Sirius and you can surprise him."

"Sounds good to me."

The two women walked through the castle hall and up to Gryffindor tower. Upon entering, Icilyn looked around.

"Lordy, look at this. I've never been in here – it's so glamorous."

"Is it? It makes me wonder what Slytherin looks like."

"Huge, I'll bet – you know how they are."

"I have the passwords to everything, I think I'd like to check it out sometime."

"Urgh! I wan never tempted!" Icy shuddered. "Who knows what they would do if they caught you in there."

They started up the stairs.

"Icilyn!" A voice called. Slowly she turned. "ICY!"

Sirius raced up the stairs and tackled the black-haired girl until she was lying on the stairs and he was on top of her, kidding every inch of her face. She giggled and squealed, then started smacking him to get him off her.

"Sirius!" she cried.

"Icy, I missed you!!!" Sirius cried. "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?"

"Surprise!"

Sirius helped Icilyn up then wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her properly.

"Uh, guys, it's all great for you to be occupied because you're excited to see one another, but I'm not enjoying myself," Lily said.

"What? Feeling left out?" Sirius asked. "Let's go find James."

"He's in the library," Lily stated. "Icy and I were just going to drink hot chocolate and chat."

"How'd you know where James was? He just disappeared on us."

"Yeah, he's in the library looking for books on –" Lily stopped. How _did_ she know where James was, and why was he looking for books on – 

"Can I join your girly chat?" Sirius asked, interrupting Lily's thoughts.

"You're a sexy guy, Siri, but I don't think you'd make such a good girl," Icilyn teased.

"I'm glad I'm a guy, that's all I can say!" The three started ascending the staircase again. "I mean, I don't understand how anyone can bleed for five days and not die."

"We're not going over this again, Sirius," Lily said. "Don't bring up subjects that you refuse to listen to and learn about."

Sirius went on, trying to push the two women's buttons. "I mean, I don't know how I can trust someone who can bleed that long without dying."

"Asshole!" Icilyn said.

"You better watch yourself, Sirius," Lily said. "We outnumber you now." Lily said the password and they were inside the Head Room, 

The three laughed and talked, sipping hot chocolate until lunchtime, when Icilyn informed the other two that she had a meeting with Dumbledore to attend to.

"Dumbledore?" Sirius asked. "So you were only here to for him and not for me?" He pouted, pushing out his full lower lip.

"Oh stop! I came here to see everyone."

"What did he want to you about?"

"No idea, something good I hope."

Icilyn kissed Sirius goodbye, then hugged Lily and exited the room.

"Well, I suppose we should meet James and Peter and Remus down at lunch. Then we can meet Icy again."

"Those three are already at lunch?"

"Yeah," Lily replied.

"Well, let's get down there before they eat all the turkey sandwiches!"

They walked down to the Great Hall and sat at the Gryffindor table with their friends. Lily told them about Icilyn's arrival, then talked about how excited she was for Halloween to come. Peter took over the conversation by explaining his fear of ghosts. Nearly Headless Nick, the resident Gryffindor ghost, was offended at this point and left the table. Lily leaned her head on James's shoulder and drifted away in thoughts.

She remembered the Halloween ball her primary school had for the fourth years and up. It was more of a parent-professor-student social affair, but they all got to dress up. Every year Lily went as a witch – a green-skinned, wart-on-her-nose kind of witch. She smiled, thinking about how she was now a witch (she had always been a witch, though, she reminded herself, but never knew it), and here at a wonderful school with wonderful friends, and everything seemed perfect.

Of course, she knew that this world wasn't perfect. In fact, she suspected that a lot of wizards and witches would rather be a Muggle, blinded by their own sense of security.

"What are you thinking about?" James whispered, kissing the top of her head.

"Not much. Are you still hungry? Eat the rest of my sandwich – it's chicken and ham, your favorite."

"Not hungry?" James asked, taking the sandwich off her plate and biting into it.

"I had hot chocolate and donuts with Sirius and Icilyn."

"Speaking of Icy, here she comes. She looks happy."

"Hey guys!" the black-haired girl exclaimed.

"What's up?" Peter asked.

"What did Professor Dumbledore want?" Lily asked. Icilyn smiled widely, her white teeth flashing against her creamy skin.

"He said that next year, Professor Altama has decided to retire. Professor Dumbledore needs a replacement – "

"So he asked you?" Sirius said, excitement already in his voice.

"Yep! I'm apprenticing this year as much as I can with balancing my classes at the university. By next year, I'll be known as the new professor of Astronomy."

"That's wonderful!" James said.

"Professor Garicky, sounds nice," Remus said. "Congratulations."

"Thanks. I think I'm going to follow my family tradition and take my mother's maiden name, though. My family is one of those matriarchal types and it's respectful to take your mother's last name because she is the one who raised you and made you what you are."

"Makes sense," Lily said, nodding.

"So, next year, I'll be known as Professor Sinistra."

"Sinistra? That doesn't suit you? Why not Professor Black?"

"Now Sirius –"

"If you go by Black everyone will know that you're taken," Sirius reasoned.

"Everyone already knows that I'm yours. I don't need your last name to prove it. Besides, you don't own me and that's all that the last name proves."

Lily looked at James. "She's got a good point, you know. When we get married, I'm keeping my last name." James scowled.

"If you don't want to marry me, that's fine. I've got a hundred girls waiting in line."

"Sure you do."

"I do."

"I've got several people in line for me too," Lily replied. "So that's just fine. I've got my choice between Howard Sedan, John Farren, and" – she suppressed a shudder – "Severus Snape to name a few."

Sirius pretended to gag, Remus and Peter looked horrified, and James and Icilyn's jaws dropped.

"Nice effect," Lily said. 

"Please, please, please tell me you said that for the shock value," Sirius pleaded.

"That's gross!" Lily said. "Very gross."

"I hardly think that Snape is a lovely candidate compared to myself, don't you agree," James asked. Lily kissed him lightly on the lips.

"I don't think that anyone's a better candidate than you." She kissed him again. "But I'm still young and still beautiful – you, on the other hand, are getting gray hair and wrinkles before my eyes!" James rolled his eyes. "You hold the weight of the world on your shoulders, James."

"And you, my love, are holding me."

* * *

Lily sat up in bed, her breathing ragged. She hadn't had a bad dream, but she felt there was some reason to fear something. _No more premonitions_, she thought. She looked at James, who was sleeping so hard he snored – not loudly, she thought, but still.

Her eyes wandered in the darkness, as did her mind.

She had been _not right_ lately. It wasn't closed to that time of the month, so that wasn't the reason. Maybe she'd been having a surge of hormones. She had found herself thinking about sex a lot more that even James noticed the difference and he started calling her a sex kitten.

That was all fine and dandy for him, but was really bothersome to Lily. Not that she minded being referred to as a Sex Goddess and the like – secretly she had always wished that she could live up to titles like that even though they were a little wanton. But a lot of these thoughts were directed not at James, but at Sirius.

She thought of his hands touching her. His hands that were calloused from Quidditch. Hands that were strong. Hands that had fingers so long and eager...

_Stop!_ she yelled at herself, pushing the comforter off a little ways because of the heat that had risen in her body.

The thing that bothered her even more was that Sirius felt the same way. She could feel it whenever she was near him. At those times, all logic disappeared and all she cared about was being closer to him. Maybe she was going through a stage of curiosity in her sex-life. Then it was completely normal to wonder what it was like to sleep with your boyfriend's best friend, right? It wasn't like anything would happen.

But it wasn't just the whole sex thing, she thought. She had been less irritable and more giving – she guessed would be the word for it, although she knew it didn't describe whatever it was.

If one of her friends wanted something, she could produce it. Answers to questions, a few extra galleons – all without the person even saying anything or her knowing where it item came from. The other day she wanted to have a cat to love on while James was off sneaking around, and what the hell do you know, a golden-colored cat crept into her room and started loving on her. Either this was some kind of psychic thing or she was losing her mind. Neither of the options sounded very appealing.

James stirred in his sleep then opened his eyes. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"Just thinking. Couldn't sleep really."

"Something you want to talk about?" James asked. Lily shook her head. He rubbed her shoulders, kneading at the knots with his fingers. "Not long into school and you're already tense."

"No, not really, probably just slept funny," she half-lied. She stretched then yawned. "Tell me a story, James. Maybe that will put me to sleep." They both grinned at the ludicrous idea, and she lied down into his arms as he began a story about a princess who was trapped in a tower. There was a prince that was supposed to rescue her, but he couldn't because he was in the middle of a Quidditch game. ("Typical," Lily said.) It turned out that the prince caught the Snitch, which was really the key to the tower and he and the princess lived happily ever after. Lily giggled at the story, then drifted off into a deep, peaceful sleep.

* * *

Lily was standing one the veranda of an eastern tower that was completely deserted. She wondered if anyone knew about it save for the staff and probably James and Sirius. She wondered for half a moment how she knew about it before she went back into her daze.

There was a biting breeze blowing, but she made no move to draw her dressing gown around her. She knew he would like her better this way – whoever "he" was.

"I was hoping," a voice whispered behind her, "that you'd meet me here sans clothing." He barely resisted the urge to kiss the back of her neck. She disgusted him, all the more to excite him. "Turn around for me." Lily obeyed without thought. 

"Diaphanous enough, this is," he commented, pulling at the thin nightgown she was wearing. "Oh, I do hate this so too, you know. Smile for me." Lily smiled prettily, but it didn't reach her eyes. "Much better..."

He ran his hand over her breast, down the curves of her side and hip.

"So, anything new within our agreement?"

"No, sir." The reply was robotic.

"Mordred keeping you busy?" Lily nodded. He chuckled. "And how's Sirius holding up?"

"Holding up, my lord. Thoughts run amuck but his phallus stays down as far as I know."

"But in the meantime it's Mordred who's – er – benefiting from the frustration you've been feeling. Soon enough, my dear. You've been trying to make everyone else happy lately and you'll get your reward soon."

"But I don't want – "

"Sh, sh, sh. Yes, you do," he hissed softly. "It's all part of the plan. You'll get what you want and I'll get what I want. Isn't that the way everything should be? Everyone should be able to get what they want, right?" Lily nodded.

"Now, Mordred – does he suspect anything?"

"He realizes the difference, but has made no comment."

"Wonderful..." he said, brushing the auburn strands off of Lily's face. "If you ever get tired –"

"That won't be necessary," she answered quickly, as if coming out of her trance for a second.

"Of course it won't. You know, if your blood wasn't so common, I wouldn't mind you marrying my son. You're a brilliant little number and a beautiful thing, but it's Sirius you want most, now isn't it?" Lily opened her mouth to protest. "Shush darling. Don't I always know what's best for you?" The redhead nodded.

"Now, give me a kiss and go back to bed before Mordred's sleeping potion wears off."

Lily stepped forward and kissed his cheek in a daughter-like way and then walked from the veranda and back to her room, where she slept soundly with James. When she awoke the next morning, she had a hideous headache, but couldn't remember a single thing.

* * *

Sirius felt drained. That was the only word he could think of to describe himself. Well, maybe not the only word. Randy fit quite nicely if he thought about it. But he didn't want to think about it. No, that would be bad.

He just couldn't figure it out. He couldn't get his mind off of Lily. He tried to tell himself that his hormones had gone into overdrive just to hack him off since Icilyn wasn't there and his "feelings" were being directed at Lily because he spent most of his time with her. 

He didn't know.

All he knew was that it was past midnight (he guessed, as he had refrained from looking at the clock) and he hadn't gotten any sleep. Every night for the past week he had been dreaming about Lily. And not so subtle dreams either. They drove him wild, which therefore drove him to guilt, which drove him to not sleep because of that guilt. 

The strangest thing was, though, that Lily seemed to be reading his thoughts. He had learned now that anything was possible. Lily reading his mind was embarrassing, yes, but it really seemed to him that she didn't seem to mind. 

Maybe it was his imagination. A week's worth of no sleep could do that to a man. 

He shuddered and rolled over. He truly felt he was a horrible person. James was his best friend. Lily was James's girlfriend. It certainly wasn't right.

But he was a teenager after all. A surge of hormones was nothing to be guilty of, unless those desires were acted upon, of course. 

He let himself drift into slumber. He had his dreams, but he slept better than anyone else in the dorm that night.

* * *

The owl post came in earlier than usual for a Saturday morning. It was now early December and steadily making it's way up to Christmas. That must have been the reason the post was early and James opened the letter he had received from his mum and dad before he could get food on his plate (a real shock to Lily, who dished up for him anyway).

"Well, that's interesting," he said. He scratched his head. "Mum and Dad want me to come home for Christmas holiday this year."

"How lovely," Lily said.

He looked at Lily. "Lovely?" 

"What? I've spent time at your house before, James. I happen to like your parents."

"I always beg not to go home for the holidays. I'd rather be here than go through Christmas hell with my parents."

"Oh, it's not that bad, James," Sirius said. "I've been to your house for Christmas once. Your parents were very nice and giving."

"You forgot embarrassing," James muttered. "Every single year I'm embarrassed by them somehow."

"That's a parent's job," Peter said. "My parents embarrass me all the time."

"No, it's bad at the Potter house," Sirius said. He smirked. "Remember when they let you have the Christmas party when we were ten?"

"Please, don't remind me – that was the worst Christmas ever!"

"I want to hear about it," Remus said. 

"No."

"Or what about the Christmas when we were five."

"Oh my god, that was even worse."

"What?" Lily whined. "I want to know."

"When we were five we had a Christmas Party and everyone we knew was invited. James had the biggest crush on Laura Gimli, and his mum let slip that he still wet the bed." James groaned.

"Until you were five?" Remus asked.

"Yes, if you must know," James snapped.

Lily giggled. "I'd like to be there for one of her embarrassing stories."

"Wish granted," James replied. "My mum invited all of you guys for Christmas this year. She says we spend too much time at this school and, as it is our last year, we should get away from all the stress. This will be just great."

"Hmm, I wonder what she'll do this year," Peter said. "Anything we should know about beforehand? Snogging the walls in your house or still wetting the bed?"

"I assure you that that problem has been solved," Lily said.

"Well, you want embarrassment, she'll give it to you."

"By embarrassing him," Sirius added. James didn't look too happy.

"Cheer up, how bad could it be?" Lily said. 

"Bad."

"Well then, I'm looking forward to it," Remus said. 

James made a face. This Christmas was supposed to be extra-super special. Being back home, though... He wondered if it would still work. It would be a festive and high-spirited time, for sure. His parents wouldn't be too much of a damper – Lily seemed to like them a lot. Maybe he could pull it off. 

Besides, he really didn't think Lily would say no.

* * *

**A/N:** Thank you all SO much for all the encouragement that you've given me to continue. To those who have read Illicit Love and reviewed about FG, I really appreciate your support. This time around I was so excited to finally have the chapter finished and I lost the list of reviewers of chapter two, that I didn't make a list, but I promise to have a list for this chapter on chapter four. Yes, chapter four is on its way. I just started it. Yay!

Thank you, thank you, thank you! You have no idea what this all means to me.

Chapter four will be here soon (sooner than this one, I promise!).

Just don't forget about me.

And please hope that writer's block doesn't come back!

Happy Holidays!

**Luvs from _Lavender_**


	4. Lightning Crashes

A/N: Yes, I temporarily fell off the edge of the Universe, but I have been rescued and I am back and have 2 new chapters to post: this one and the fifth, and I am currently working on the sixth. I apologize that I haven't been able to post my thank-you's; I'm more worried about getting the chapters up fast. But _please_ know that I take every single comment into consideration. Some of you may not think I do (and that's why I always post thank-yous), but _I do_. 

Also, I'm nearly finished with the next chapter of **Illicit Love**, for those of you who have been reading that one too. So, hopefully soon I will be able to get all that taken care of. Spring break _is_ on its way, you know! (Yay!!!) 

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter. All I've got is this fanfiction, which is not making me any money. So there.

**And…** This chapter is dedicated to myself. Because I've worked hard to bring you this trilogy, even if it is going slow, and I think I deserve it. Though I'm open to comments unless you think I'm not worthy. :o) I take writing seriously and **I** **kick ass**.

**PS.** Zetta kicks ass too. We are a team, you and I. I don't know what I'd do without you. I know it all sounds cheesy, but you have no idea how much you've helped me through everything – from Fanfiction to Real Life.

***ENJOY!!! Falling into Grace 

**Chapter Four**

**Lightning Crashes**

_The sun rose bright and early, but she was awake before then. She couldn't quite tell where she was and wanted to scream, wanted to cry, wanted to call out for someone to hold her. _

_But she was alone._

_It was dark and cold. She felt the cloak of the night air wrap around her. A thought reached her mind to panic. He was advancing upon her. It didn't matter so much that she was going to die, since she had no one else in the world._

_She had to run, had to be the protector, or else the chance of life giving would be taken away from her._

_She ran, endless hallways until her feet were tired, her breathing was painful, her sides ached. But he was always three steps behind. Finally she fell, and turned herself to see her aggressor. _

_He was laughing and handsome. He didn't want to hurt her, but he had to. He was the root of all the problems and he just wanted all the troubles to stop following him. He had to get rid of her, and he said he was sorry. He kissed her forehead one last time and she cried out._

_It was his fault. She shouldn't have to die for it. But he loved her so much that he couldn't let anything worse happen to her. If he couldn't have her, nobody could. But, oh, he ached and burned, yearned for so long. _

_It wasn't fair. He wanted things that way. He raised his wand. She cried at his feet. He pointed his wand at her heart. Cast his spell. She screamed._

* * *

"Lily!" James said, shaking his lover awake. "Lily, wake up!"

Lily opened her eyes and became aware of her surroundings.

"Lily? Are you all right?" Lily looked at James and took a ragged deep breath. "What were you dreaming about?"

She rolled over onto her side, facing away from James. "I don't know."

"Lily, you've been having a lot of nightmares lately, what's the matter?"

"I don't know."

James tried not to get angry. She _did_ know, she just didn't want to tell him. Maybe she was seeing things too frightening for words.

"Premonitions?" he asked.

"I don't know."

James got up from the bed and pulled on his dressing gown. Lily rolled over and looked at him.

"Where are you going?"

"For a glass of water."

"There's a pitcher in the living room."

"Yes, but I feel like walking a bit," James replied. He was about the leave the room when he thought better of it. "You know you don't have to lie to me. Whatever it is, you're dreaming about, I mean, I can handle it. You can tell me. You used to wake me up in the middle of the night just so I could hold you and tell you everything was all right, but now you're getting distant. Why?"

"I haven't become distant," Lily said. 

"No, not exactly. I shouldn't have used that word. But you do know what I mean." He shook his head. "I don't expect you to tell me everything, Lily, but when it involves lying and nightmares and the like, I start to feel like you're keeping something _big_ from me."

"I really don't know what's gotten into me. Sometimes I go wandering at night – I can see myself wandering – but then I wake up here in bed, feeling like I've been in bed all night but my brain's dead tired."

"I haven't noticed you sleep walking."

Lily shook her head. "Just dreams. Just nerves. I mean, for once in my life, I really don't know. I'm nervous about everything – being Head Girl, classes, after Hogwarts, Christmas at your parents' house."

James smiled slightly.

"I can't blame you," he said. "I'm not around a lot anymore. Too much Quidditch and Head Boy stuff, friends and pranking, stuff like that."

"We've just reached a high tide time in our life. Things will be down in a little while, that's all," Lily assured. "I've decided to see Madam Pomfrey in the morning about my dreams. See if she'll give me a bit of that Dreamless Sleep potion. Lord knows it'll make both of us feel better." She smiled at him and his smile grew. "Now, unless you were thinking about traveling all the way to the kitchens for a glass of water, come back to bed."

"I wasn't thirsty anyway," James said. He pulled off his dressing gown and slipped back under the covers. Lily nuzzled into him, taking in his scent of grass and soap. He twiddled a strand of auburn between his fingers. 

Lily felt guilty. She hadn't deliberately lied. Hell, it wasn't even exactly a lie. She didn't know what the dreams were meaning, if they meant anything at all. And she didn't know why she was having them. She couldn't think of anything that was so much on her conscience that she was dreaming about horrible things. 

She did know, though, that the mixed feelings she was having must have been what was causing the problem, because the stalker in her dreams said it was all her fault – and already in the physical world her emotions had caused a lot of confusion everywhere.

But the strangest thing yet was, the stalker within the depths of dreamland was always none other than Sirius Black.

* * *

Peter was excited by the thought of going to the Potter mansion for Christmas. He had only been there twice, the summer of sixth year and the summer of second year. It was going to be great fun. He and Sirius and James and Remus would be able to have the run of the manor for the whole of Christmas break, even the grounds, which he loved the most.

Going would be great. His mum didn't want him to come home anyway. She did, but she didn't. He didn't know how to explain this to his friends, because they knew he always went home for Christmas. But they didn't know that his Mum was becoming way too protective of him since his father had passed away over the summer while they were in Japan. She kept her eyes on him at all times, never even let him go out of the house without her knowing every move he was going to be making. He knew it was hard for her to have her husband die, especially after Katherine, his baby sister, was born. But she didn't understand that keeping him under wraps all the time wasn't going to be helping either. His father had died from a heart attack, not a Death Eater attack.

He sighed. His mum meant well, he knew – he just couldn't stand it. If she had any tighter of a hold on him, he'd absolutely go mad. Honestly, it was enough that she owled him everyday and made him owl her once a week and if she didn't she would call the Headmaster in a panic. What if she started calling him over the floo box everyday? He'd certainly have to kill himself.

"What are you thinking about, Pete?" Sirius asked. 

"Nothing much," he answered. "Just getting lost in thoughts."

"These last two weeks are killing everybody," Remus said.

"Please let Christmas hols come," Lily groaned. "No more classes."

"The weeks can't go by slow enough," James said. Sirius poked his arm.

"You're not getting out of Christmas at your house."

"I know, I know."

"Why do you hate Christmas so?" Peter asked.

"I love Christmas," James replied. After all, that was when he and Lily started dating two years ago. "I love the holiday cheer, the eggnog, the sparkling cider, the roast goose. I just don't like spending Christmas with my parents. I'm not kidding, for eleven years I dreaded Christmas."

"He's not lying," Sirius said. "He once tried to get me to give him a Draught of the Living Dead so he wouldn't have to wake up Christmas morning."

"And I should have taken it," James said sullenly. "You saw what my Aunt Helen got me – fuzzy pink slippers!"

"Would you stop bitching and moaning about Christmas, dammit?" Remus said. "We've got more trouble on our hands with midterm exams."

"True."

Peter looked out the window of the common room. What if he just _jumped_? he thought. What would happen then? Would people miss him? For the seven years he had been at Hogwarts he hadn't been much notice to anyone, hadn't been extraordinary in anything. Sure, he had James and Sirius and Remus, but they had friends galore outside of the group. And Lily, people were all over her all the time. But for him, no one cared.

_Where the hell is all this coming from?_ he asked himself. _Depression had never been there before._

He'd been having all these awful thoughts lately and he just couldn't help it. Maybe he was suffering from a hormonal imbalance. He didn't know. It wasn't like him to be so _down_. Usually he was happy and carefree. When did all the weights grow on him? he wondered.

He thought of his father. 

Maybe that was when – when his father had died and his mother got such a strong hold on him. He wanted to rebel, wanted to rage, wanted to freak out even, but he had to stay calm and strong. He was the man of the house now. Perhaps the inner emotions begging to get out was what made him feel this way. He wasn't going to tell anyone of his strange emotions, though. Not anyone. Not even his best friends. 

* * *

Icilyn Garicky lied in her bed in the personal room Dumbledore had given her for the weekend. Her mind couldn't let go of how, well, _nice_ Dumbledore had been to her. She had suspected that he _knew_ and felt sorry for her. _But why would that make him feel sorry for me?_ she wondered. But if anyone else knew, they'd take pity on her too. It wasn't like she knew him, though. She just shared the common gene pool, that was all. He was nothing to her other than the sperm that helped the egg create a fetus.

"I'm doing well in college," she had said to Dumbledore. "But are you afraid people will find out who" – she hesitated slightly, then pushed on – "who my real father is?"

"Ah, so you know about that?" Dumbledore asked, looking slightly taken aback. He seemed almost worried that she knew too much.

"Of course I do," Icilyn had replied. "How could my mother – I mean my aunt – not tell me the truth about my mother."

Dumbledore looked grave. "And did she say anything else?" Icilyn shook her head.

"Only that he killed her, sir. I don't think Mother – er, my aunt – knows why. My father and mother were in love, she said." Dumbledore nodded. There was silence in the room for a moment.

"You know you don't have to make me feel special because of who he is. My father, I mean. I've never even seen him, you know, in real life."

"No, no," Dumbledore said. "That's not why. I think you're the right person for the position. You always did so well in Astronomy and you have wonderful eyesight to see the stars and constellations."

"Thank you, sir. I am honored to have you ask me back to the castle and I look forward to apprenticing." She left the room, glancing over her shoulder at Dumbledore's face. He wasn't hiding his emotions as well as he usually did. There was fear and love and concern.

_Just the rising powers of the Dark Side_, Icilyn thought as she rolled over in bed. Sirius, who was sleeping beside her, unconsciously pulled her into his arms and enveloped her in warmth. But she did not go to sleep.

Sometimes she took pity on herself – never knowing her mother or father. She had seen pictures, and they both looked so happy. But there were never any pictures of her and her parents. Granted she was only two months old when her mother was killed and her father fled, but wouldn't there be more photographs?

Maybe her father didn't know that she was born. Maybe her mother kept that from him because she _knew_ how he was. And he got angry and killed her.

Did she _love_ him? Did _he_ love _her_? And how did Dumbledore know, despite the fact that he usually knew everything. This was something that she never talked about – not even to Sirius. She never even wrote anything about it in her journal. So, how _could_ he possibly know who her real father was? 

She rolled over again, deciding to see Dumbledore in the morning before she departed back to her college dorm. He had to give her the answers. He knew more than he was telling her, and she was going to stop at nothing to get him to tell her what he knew. 

* * *

James sat for the longest time in the Quidditch changing rooms trying to figure out if he was going to be sick or not. This was one of the biggest games of the year, the Christmas game, the beginning of playoffs, and so far, Gryffindor had won every game they had played except for one – the third game they play with Slytherin. And that time the nasty buggers had done some tampering with the quaffle and added another snitch to the game, though that snitch wasn't real – it just disappeared when you caught it – which really frustrated Remus. Now it was the first final game, Gryffindor against Ravenclaw – which would be a tough match but an unlikely loss.

"You okay, Cap?" Emily Watson asked, patting James on his shoulder. 

"Yeah," James replied. "Just nerves."

"You, having nerves? I never would have thought. But look at Remus, I think he's about to have a fit."

James looked over at Remus and noted that he was talking to himself. James could hear him recite the familiar game plan that had been shoved into his head for the past two weeks. James smiled. At least he was getting through to someone on the team. Everyone else took him as a joke, but Remus took him a little too serious. All for the better.

"He's fine," James said. "I'm a bit worried about Sirius over there, though."

The two look over at Sirius, who was slicking back his black hair with a comb and staring at himself in the mirror, then waving. No doubt he was practicing his heart-melting look and wave that he heard girls fawned over so much. James suppressed a snort and shook his head.

"Well, what about you? Are you nervous?"

"No, sir," Emily replied military style. When it came to Quidditch, there was no naiveté about her. James liked that. "I'm ready as I'll ever be 'cause I know we will win. Absolutely. For sure."

"That's my girl."

From outside n the Quidditch pitch, Madam Hooch blew her whistle, informing the Ravenclaw and Gryffindor teams to head out to the pitch.

"Ready?" James asked. He received six nods. "Me too." They lined up in their V-form, James at the head, then Sirius and Remus behind him – not because they were his best friends, but because they were the most crucial players on the team (not that everyone wasn't important, but the other players didn't mind). Then came Michelle Ellis and Emily Watson, the other two chasers, and finally Jesse Wilde and Daniel Mottinger, the beaters.

The Ravenclaw team, much as the professional team the Holyhead Harpies, was a team of all witches. It was no surprise as the majority of Ravenclaw house was made up of the female gender. (It proved women were smarter than men, James had mused once.) All women – this would be easy. James had hoped for a challenge.

Lightning crashed in the distance. That certainly changed things. The droplets then started to fall as Madam Hooch and the teams mounted their brooms. It was raining buckets by the time the fifteen broomsticks rose into the air and the quaffle was possessed by a pretty Ravenclaw named Lulu Morris. 

James was too quick for Lulu, and he stole the red ball from her. But he wasn't quick enough, obviously, as she cobbed him hard in the ribs. The sheets of rain kept Madam Hooch from seeing the atrocious deed dome by the elbow of the Ravenclaw, but James only held the bright red ball tighter. He hoped Lulu would get what was coming to her for that. Quidditch was not something James Potter took lightly. 

He threw the quaffle through the golden hoops on the Ravenclaw side, then turned to check on his teammates. They were a blur in the liquid wall, but so far so good. Then he looked to the Ravenclaw team to see what plans they were playing and saw a black bludger racing towards Lulu Morris's head.

"Duck!" he cried, but the rumble of thunder that coincided with the yell was louder. He could only watch as Lulu was struck on the back of her head and knocked unconscious.

Remus, who had seen this also, got over the shock quicker than James and dove to catch the now-falling Ravenclaw. He caught her and lowered to the ground, where he gently set her on the flooded grass before rising way up again.

The score was 80-70, Gryffindor. When had they made so many goals? he wondered. It didn't matter anyway. Quaffle was in Gryffindor possession, and Emily Watson scored – or was that Michelle Ellis? James couldn't tell because of torrents of rain – both looked the same when wet anyway.

The lightning was closer now, but the game still hadn't been cancelled. James was glad – he was getting his challenge. He took the quaffle into his possession from a Ravenclaw chaser whom he didn't know, and scored another goal for his team.

"100-70," the announcer called. "100-80!" he cried a minute later. When had Ravenclaw scored? James wondered. 

On the game raged. Lightning rumbled the stands and the thunder caused many students in the stands to scream and clap their hands over their ears. Why wasn't the game called off?

"Gryffindor seeker Remus Lupin looks as if he's seen the Snitch. He's diving – he's diving – he – doesn't have the Snitch. Must have been a decoy." James flew over to Remus. 

"What was that?" he barked.

"She was on my arse, leave me alone," Remus shouted over the rain. "Decoy, James!" And he sped off. He was either crabby from nerves still or the full moon was approaching and James hadn't realized. Or, like any animal, he didn't like to be wet.

Five goals were made by Gryffindor and seven were made by the Ravenclaws – that put them at a tie: 150-150. James was starting to feel a little tense. Remus assured him it was all okay, and that his eyes were still sharp even in the rain. But then Ravenclaw scored two more goals.

"And it looks as if Gryffindor Seeker Lupin is going in for another dive – yes it does – and HE'S GOT THE SNITCH! GRYFFINDOR WINS 300-170!"

The Gryffidor team sped towards Remus to congratulate him and take their victory lap. Remus was in the front for the victory lap and James was taking up the rear, the five other players were in between. As James turned the east corner to finish the second lap and take a third, a crack of thunder screamed and the lightning bolt that coincided with it hit the tail of James's Quidditch broom. 

And he fell down, down, down... But no one on the team was aware that James was falling until James nearly hit the ground, and it was too late, and James fell on the ground a few yards away from Lulu Morris, both completely unconscious, though James was in a worse state than the Ravenclaw.

The crowd yelped as they heard the whip-crack of several of James's bones snap. Both the Gryffindor and Ravenclaw teams descended to the ground to help James, and several students pushed and shoved their way down the stairs to see if the Gryffindor captain was still alive. 

Only Lily Evans sat at the top of the stands, her knees pulled into her chest, looking horrid. She was drenched from the rain, but she didn't care. It was the least she deserved. _I should be struck by lightning too_, she thought. She felt completely awful. Why – _how_ – could she do this? How was she able to do what she just did. She nearly cost her boyfriend's life for something as stupid as a _challenge_. But it was what he wanted. And somehow, she gave it to him.

"Lily, let's go, love," Sirius said. He took her hand, and nearly jumped at the spark he felt. Lily did jump. It wasn't a _real_ spark of course, but more like, Lily knew, how they portray romantic touches in books and films. An emotional and romantic spark.

Lily grabbed Sirius's hand and stood. Her legs wouldn't work, and she fell forward onto Sirius and started sobbing. Sirius wrapped his arms around her and stroked her hair. 

"He's going to be all right, Lils," he said softly. 

She looked back up at him, slowly started to inch closer towards his face, her lips coming dangerously closer to his.

_No!_ Sirius thought. _This is not what you want, not what you want, not what you want…_

But it was very obvious that it was what he wanted as he himself inched forward…

"No!" he yelled aloud this time. Lily looked startled.

"No what, Sirius?" she asked. She was a foot away from him now. Did she move that fast or was his imagination running away with him?

"Uh, I just had a picture in my mind's eyes of a house-elf in a two-piece Union Jack swimsuit. Very disturbing, that was." Lily knitted her eyebrows.

"A _house-elf_ in a _bikini_ that looks like the _English flag_? Whatever you've been snorting is working a little overtime. We've got a friend to visit in the hospital wing. I know he's fine – just in a little pain, and he can't wait to see us."

Lily started walking down the spiraling stairs grasping the wooden handrail for fear of slipping and from a surge of adrenalin. _That was so close_, she thought. This was going to come back and bite them both in the arse if they didn't stop. More levelly, if he didn't stop thinking about her and she didn't stop reading his thoughts. 

Once they were in the hospital wing, Lily stood by James's bed and held his hands while Madam Pomfrey dressed the wounds and tried to mend the bones. Only she and Sirius were in the room, along with Lulu Morris, who was still knocked unconscious but had a white bandage wrapped around her head. 

Dinnertime rolled around and James still hadn't awoke. Sirius volunteered to bring a large tray of food up for Lily, James, and Lulu (if the latter two ever woke up). 

Fifteen minutes after Sirius left, James awoke. He looked around the room, trying to figure out where he was, then realized he didn't have his glasses on. But, from all the pain he was in, he could tell he must be in the hospital wing. And there was a blurry figure sitting to his left with a distinct shade of dark red atop of the head, and knew that was Lily.

"Lils, could you get me my glasses?" he whispered hoarsely. Lily took his glasses off the side table and placed them gently on James's face, as his nose was broken and he had a black eye. "Thank you."

Lily was silent for a moment, tears streaming out of her eyes.

"Honey, I'm okay. Just a little sore. I imagine that I broke at least four bones."

"Fifteen," Lily said. "Or more. I stopped counting after that." She started sobbing. It was she who needed to be the strong one at the moment, but she couldn't be; not when it was her fault that he was in here in the first place. He would never forgive her. This was the worst thing she had ever done to anybody. And this was her boyfriend.

"Lily, love, I'm fine. Everything's okay – truly." James looked at her beautiful face streaked with tears and the rest of her body soaked from the rain. 

"No," Lily said quietly, trying to control her voice. "Everything's not okay." She swiped at her eyes. "I'm so sorry, James. I didn't mean to, honestly. I'm sorry I made you fall off your broom. It's all my fault." She dissolved into another wave of tears. 

"Lily, you're not the reason I'm here. I was narrowly struck by lightning," James said. He wished he could hold her to comfort her, but he couldn't even move his arm to pat her damp head. She looked at James, fear in her eyes.

"I – I made it rain, James," she whispered. "It's all my fault you got struck by lightning."

* * *


	5. Angels Bleed

**_A/N: _**_I've decided to post this chapter now because I got a sickening amount of reviews. What am I to do with you, my readers? What am I to do with this story? Seriously, the amount is sickening! C'mon guys! You used to review all the time when reading this, what makes you stop? Anyhow, enjoy._

_Disclaimer: I do not own anything in the HP world. Sorry to disappoint you._

_ENJOY!!_

**Falling into Grace**

**Chapter Five**

**Angels Bleed**

James stared at Lily hard. Had she just said what he thought she said? She had made it rain? No one could control the weather, not unless they had extreme magical powers, and even then…. Lily might have been the smartest in the year, but she wasn't powerful enough make it rain.

And what else had she blubbered? He wanted to have a challenge so she gave it to him? Had she been reading his thoughts? She had been showing signs of what he had been thinking lately, but this? Honestly.

Lily was sobbing into her hands, her cries and moans sounding like burbled phrases. James didn't know what to do. Rarely had he seen Lily like this. And despite the fact that he had been a boyfriend to her for nearly three years, he didn't know how to handle her crying. Hell, he didn't know how to handle it when his _mother_ cried. Normally he would have put an arm around her and pat her awkwardly, but as both his arms were broken, he tried shushing and consoling her softly.

"Shh, Lils. It's not your fault. You can't control the weather; no one can."

"But I _did_," she wailed, so loudly that the Ravenclaw in the next bed over stirred in her unconsciousness. 

"No you didn't, honey; you only think you did and you feel guilty because I happened to be in the way."

"No," she said. "No, no, no. I did. I made the storm come and then I made Madam Hooch not cancel the game. James, you have to believe me. I don't know how I did it, but I did." 

"Hey, look at me," he said. Lily looked up at him, her face pale, tears glistening on her cheeks, her eyes rimmed with red. She looked miserable, James thought. "Sweetheart, you're not responsible for this. No one is. It's all in your imagination. You haven't been sleeping well lately and you only believe all this because you're deliriously tired. No – don't protest," he said over her starting words. "You need to have a good sleep and you'll be a hundred percent better."

"Did I hear someone hasn't been sleeping well?" broke in the matron, Madam Pomfrey. She had come to check on James and overheard them talking. 

"She's been having nightmares," James replied to the nurse. "Is it possible for you to give her something and she can sleep in here for the night?"

Madam Pomfrey looked at little skeptical, but saw how broken Lily looked and nodded her head. 

"But I don't want the two of you to try anything _fresh_ during the night, understand?" she said with her hands on her rotund hips. "Both of you need your sleep."

James decided against commenting on how both he and Lily were Head Boy and Girl and this was a hospital wing, not a trysting area. He wouldn't have been on Madam Pomfrey's good side if he back-talked to her anyway.

Madam Pomfrey led Lily to the bed on the other side of James, pulled back the curtain and let Lily change into a hospital gown to sleep in. James smiled as he watched Lily's shadow on the wall, pulling off her clothing. He felt kind of like a pervert, but it wasn't like he hadn't seen her take her clothes off before. Lily pulled back the curtain, making James start. He blushed and tried not to moan in pain. Lily gave him a knowing wink, figuring he was thinking about something naughty. She walked over to him and kissed him softly on his lips – that was about the only place on his face that wasn't covered in bandages. 

"Goodnight," he said. She nodded in return. Madam Pomfrey came back with two draughts of Dreamless Sleep Potion, and the two drank and fell asleep instantly.

* * *

The next day, Sirius, Peter, and Remus came to visit James in the hospital wing. Lily was still sleeping soundly, even though it was half past noon. She had been sleeping for over eighteen hours. James had asked Madam Pomfrey if she had taken more sleeping potion and if it was safe for her to still be sleeping. Madam Pomfrey assured him that it was safe and that, no, she had not taken any more potions. She must have been really tired and exhausted.

"So, mate," Sirius said, "how are you feeling today?"

"Do you want me to lie or give you list?" James said. Sirius grinned. 

"That's my boy," he said. But why, James didn't know. "Anyway, since you're going to be in here a while, I brought you a book."

"A book?" James asked, wondering.

"Oh, _right_," Remus said. "One from his cooking-slash-book club." He snickered. 

"Hey, shut it, Moony. Just because I'm getting in touch with my feminine side doesn't mean that I've turned into anything else but as masculine as I really am. I figure that I can be more of a man if I know what my womanly side is like." James tried to keep himself from snickering too. 

"What book is it?" he wanted to know.

"Uh, 'Remembering the Hard Times,'" he replied. "It's very good. It's got action and romance and magic and a killer shag scene. You'll like it."

"It sounds like the book Lily was reading on our holiday in America," James said. "Love scenes twisted and all."

"Yeah," Sirius said. "I never knew books could be so _interesting_."

"So is that why you joined? Because you get to read dirty books? Why don't you just subscribe to a pornographic magazine?" Remus asked.

"Because, reading these books are more educational. Besides. You wouldn't believe the witches that have joined. Since it's a Hogsmeade club, anyone can join and, let me tell you, there are so many hot women in that club."

"Are there any other guys in it?"

"Just one, but he swings the other way, if you know what I mean. He kind of creeps me out, though; always wanting to be my partner when baking something…." 

James had to smile at the picture in his head. He couldn't imagine his best friend being anything but a ladies man. In the bed next to his, Lily stirred, but still did not wake.

"Is she okay?" Peter asked. 

"She's fine, I'm sure," James replied. "She hasn't been at her peak lately, so I imagine her mind and body are trying to catch up on their rest."

They nodded and stared at her sleeping form for a few moments, watching her breathing. They had done this once before in their sixth year (save for James, who wasn't really there that time, but always watched her sleep anyway), watched her while she had her head resting on the pillow, her russet waves hallowed about her head, her chest rising and falling softly. They all loved her so very much, but James was the only one she loved back romantically. 

The four young men looked back at each other awkwardly for a moment before Sirius broke the silence.

"Well, we're going to go see Icilyn off," he said. "Back to dreary England. Honestly, I don't know why everyone just doesn't live in Ireland."

"But you're partial because you live there," Peter said. "I happen to like Wales very much." Or at least he _had_, he thought, when his mum wasn't such a freak.

"And I like Scotland," Remus said. "Scotland's the best, that's why they chose to build Hogwarts here."

"No way," Sirius said getting up from his chair. "Ireland."

"Wales," Peter said, following suit.

"Scotland." 

The three started walking towards the door, still arguing.

"England," James called after them. All three turned and looked at him like he was mad.

"Wrong!" the three said simultaneously, which hacked them off even more. They continued fighting as they walked down the hall, their voices echoing. James listened to them until he couldn't hear them anymore. He sighed and wished that he could roll over to be more comfortable. Well, at least he had something to do now since practically every bone in his body had been broken. He spoke the words he had heard Sirius say when reading the book. It made the book float a good reading distance from James's face and it turned the pages for him when it was commanded to. 

But the most amazing thing wasn't that the book was magicked to be so helpful to a person, especially one in his condition; it was the fact that it was actually _good_. Though he would never admit it. He smiled inwardly and commanded the book to turn a page.

* * *

Lily continued to sleep until early the following Monday morning. She awoke and had a look around the room, trying to determine where she was. Then she remembered that she was in the hospital wing and had taken the Dreamless Sleep Potion. She had never felt so _good_, she reveled. She felt so refreshed and energized. This never happened after a normal night's sleep. 

James was still lying in his bed next to hers and he was sleeping. He still had his glasses on and there was a hardbound book lying open on his chest. The smaller bones in his body, such as his ribs and his arms, had been healed and were now free of magical plaster casts. She thought it amazing that his bones had healed so quickly. It usually took three to five days to heal the small bones and up to ten to heal the larger ones, such as the femur. 

James mumbled something in his sleep, then opened his eyes and glanced towards her.

"Ah, sleeping beauty finally awakens," he said, his voice slightly hoarse.

"Me? Sleeping beauty? You're the one who just woke up."

"But I'm not the one who has been out for nearly two days."

Lily sat up abruptly. "_What_? _Two days_?" James nodded.

"You took the draught of sleeping potion six o'clock Saturday evening and you haven't woken since." He looked at his watch. "It is now five o'clock Monday morning."

"Monday morning!" she cried. "Why didn't anyone wake me?"

"Why would we?" 

"I've got homework and meetings and counseling sessions and – "

"Lily, relax. Everything's been taken care of. You've been officially excused from your homework by the Headmaster." He scowled. "I broke every bone in my body and he didn't even let me off that easy."

"I can't believe it," Lily said. "Two days nearly."

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

"Actually, I've never felt better in my life," Lily said, stretching her sleep-stiffened muscles. 

"Dumbledore knew that you needed that sleep, so he excused you from you homework. But, he says he better not hear of you having anymore nightmares."

"Him and me both," Lily muttered. She looked lovingly at her boyfriend. "And how are you doing this morning. I see you've healed some of your bones. Still fast for two days."

"What can I say, I'm a fast recovery kind of guy." He grinned. "I'm just a little sore, is all. Madam Pomfrey says that the leg bones aren't going to heal as fast, though. I just need to have lots of rest and lots of nutritious foods. Sirius has been sneaking me some chocolate cakes he's baked, though."

"Why can't Madam Pomfrey heal your legs any faster?" Lily asked. "I thought she could mend bones within seconds."

"A single bone she can," James said. "But this many bones – twenty-one, I'd like to add – would be too traumatizing for the nervous system and all that to heal at once. It's a nasty thing to heal one bone and she didn't want me healing twenty-one bones in twenty-one seconds."

"I see," Lily replied. But really, she didn't. She thought that having all those bones heal in a matter of seconds would be less traumatizing than making them heal more slowly. She trusted the matron anyway.

"Well, seeing as it's five o'clock," she said, "and I'm feeling better than I have in years, I think I'm going to shower and go to classes today. You'll make it without my company, won't you? You have for two days anyway. I'll come back with some dinner for you." James nodded. 

Lily got up from the bed and changed back into her clothes that were sitting on the night table, figuring that someone brought her a fresh pair to change into when she awoke. She kissed James lightly on the lips and he was finally able to wrap his arms around her, only wincing slightly. Then she exited the room and walked purposefully to Gryffindor tower. 

"Password," the Fat Lady inquired. 

"Slytherin sucks," Lily said. It had been James's turn to make up the password, much to Lily's dismay. She had never let him choose the password because of this reason, but she had felt bad for being such a wench to him the previous weeks, so she let him choose. 

The Fat Lady swung open and Lily stepped through, entering the dark common room. She walked up the steps, past the girls' dorms, and into her own room. It was nice to be back within her own confines where her energy resided. She took a long hot shower and then went down to the Great Hall for breakfast where she found Sirius, Remus, and Peter eating ravenously. It had been a while since she had seen them eat that way, as they used to. It was comforting seeing things back to normal. Except for James being in the hospital wing, that is, she reminded herself. 

"Hey guys," she said, sitting down next to Sirius. He kissed her cheek affectionately.

"Feeling better?" he asked.

"Loads, thanks." He poured her some orange juice and informed her of all the nothings she had missed while she was sleeping. 

"There's a Hogsmeade trip weekend after next," Remus said excitedly. "Last day for Christmas shopping."

"That'll be lovely," she said. "I've already got James a killer present, though."

"You have?" Peter asked. "What?"

"I'm not telling because you'll tell him and the surprise will be ruined. It was a little something I picked up in America, I'll tell you that much."

Classes started and Lily continued to feel wonderful. At dinnertime she went up to the hospital wing to eat with James, who told her about his day with painful rehabilitation of his ankles, which were healed only to a hairline fracture and would be better in a few hours. 

"You are glowing," James said. "Look at you. You're even more gorgeous than I remembered."

"Oh stop," she said, blushing. "I just have a lot of energy that I don't know what to do with at the moment."

"Too bad my legs are still broken," James said slyly. Lily shook her head. "So, when I get out of my restraints, what are we going to do?"

"Well, I imagine that Christmas holiday will be about when you are able to fully function again; but there is a Hogsmeade weekend."

"I know, I heard Madam Pomfrey complaining about it this morning. I'm excited anyway."

"Yes, then we leave for the holiday. I'm excited to see your mum again. She's always a dear to me."

"And you to her, more than you know. She can't wait 'til the day we've tied the knot and started having kids. Mums are like that, though, aren't they?" Lily nodded. "I guess mine a little more so because I'm the only child."

The two chatted and Lily helped James with the homework that he had missed that day. Sirius and Peter greeted the two around nine o'clock. It was the first night of the full moon, and Remus was already at the Shrieking Shack, already transformed and waiting impatiently for them. 

"We just wanted to say hello and let you know that we'll miss you while you're in here."

"Keep your voice down," James whispered, glancing over at Ravenclaw Lulu Morris, who was still occupying the bed next to James's. Her head injury was mild and she had a slight concussion, so Madam Pomfrey made her stay in the hospital wing for a few extra days.

"Sorry mate," Sirius said, not whispering still. "We'll just be going now. Lils, you better get back to Gryffindor tower. You may be Head Girl, but there's some major watch going on in the castle tonight. Which reminds me, Dumbledore wants to see you. about this whole extra-protection thing."

Lily nodded. "Well, I suppose I'll go then. Can I ask you gentlemen to escort me to the Headmaster's office?"

"Certainly," Peter said. 

"It's on our way anyway," Sirius said. 

Lily kissed James goodbye and left with Sirius and Peter. They walked down the stairs and through the many corridors until Lily finally stopped at the gargoyle that was in front of the entrance to the Headmaster's office. 

"I'm fine now, guys. Thank you," she said.

"Damn, I thought I was going to finally hear what this password was. Nothing like Slytherin sucks or Gryffindor rules or –"

"I assure you it's nothing of the sort, Mr. Black." The three jumped and turned to see Professor Dumbledore standing behind them, his eyes twinkling. "But I do have to inquire you and Mr. Pettigrew as to why you are out in the corridors at this time of night."

"We were escorting Lily to your office, Professor," Sirius said. After all, it was the truth. Just not the whole truth. "I gave her your message and told her about the increased security, she thought that she'd be safer if we went with her."

The old wizard nodded. "Smart decision. Well, I assure you that your friend is in good care now, so you must go back to your dormitory – and _nowhere_ else." The three could have sworn that his eyes flickered briefly to the window where the pale white moon was shining in through.

Sirius and Peter turned and trudged down the hall. Dumbledore muttered the password and ushered Lily through the open wall and up the moving staircase and into the office. He showed her to a seat and waved his wand to produce two cups of rosemary tea.

"How is James doing?" Dumbledore asked softly before sipping his tea.

"Much better," Lily replied. "Only a few more bones need to be healed completely and then he can return to his normal life."

"Wonderful to hear," the Headmaster replied. 

"Professor, what is this I hear about heightened security in the castle?" Dumbledore looked evenly at Lily over his half-moon spectacles. 

"There have been some unidentified attacks on the Ministry," he said. "If it's Voldemort that's doing the attacking, we can't be too careful."

"I understand," Lily replied. She glanced around the room, looking at all the previous Headmasters and Headmistresses, snoozing in their frames. She looked at Fawkes, the phoenix that belonged to the Headmaster, and the scarlet bird winked at her. She winked back. She looked back at the old wizard. "Is that all, sir?"

"It is if you haven't anything else to add."

Lily thought about what this was supposed to mean. Could he possibly know that she wasn't feeling _right_ lately and he was sitting here, subtly asking her to tell him about it? What could she say? _I've been having nightmares lately and feeling like I've been sleepwalking_. That would go over well with him, it would. Though the last time she was having nightmares was before she was kidnapped in fifth year. But these weren't pictures of people dying, well, other than herself, anyway. 

So, she kept her mouth shut and shook her head.

"Very well," Dumbledore said, looking slightly disappointed. Did he know? she wondered. No, maybe he was just lonely for company. 

"Thank you for the tea, sir," Lily said, standing up. "I shall be getting back up to my rooms." Dumbledore simply nodded. She exited the office and walked swiftly back to Gryffindor tower, looking at the moon each time she passed a window and silently praying that Sirius and Remus and Peter were all right.

* * *

Two weeks later, the five were on the Hogwarts Express, speeding towards London where Mr. and Mrs. Potter would be picking them up and taking them to their large home. They played Exploding Snap for a few hours before the witch with the trolley full of sweets came to them. James treated them all to whatever their little hearts desired, and, with Sirius's stomach, that was a few items from every category.

"Mum won't be too happy," James said, patting his full stomach. "I suppose she's having the house-elves prepare a huge meal for us even thought it's not Christmas yet."

"There's always room for your house-elves' cooking, I can assure you of that," Remus said. "As long as it doesn't consist of anything chocolate, otherwise I think I'd be ill."

"There will be chocolate, I'm sure," James said. Remus looked pale at the thought. "But don't worry mate, no one will be offended if you don't eat it."

"I can never have enough chocolate," Peter said.

"I hear you," Lily replied. James threw a left over chocolate frog at her and she caught it then dropped it to the ground immediately as if she was going to be sick. "Never mind," she muttered.

"We're going to play Quidditch and walk through the grounds and wreak havoc and mayhem with the house-elves and the ghouls."

"We tried that two summers ago," Remus said. "It didn't work." James shrugged.

"It's always fun to try."

A couple hours later, the five were standing in the snow on Platform Nine and Three-Quarters. It was dark out now and only a sliver of the waning moon could be seen through the clouds. 

"My mum and dad should be here," James said. He tried not to panic. They never forgot to pick him up. They were always there an hour before he got off the train, just in case. "Maybe they had some other things they had to do first. Let's just wait."

The five dragged their trunks in the soft snow towards a large plastic structure and sat down inside of it. There was a warming charm on the place so people who were waiting wouldn't freeze in the winter. James kept glancing at his watch and looking around almost frantically. 

"They should be here," he said again. "It's been about a half an hour, they should be here by now."

"Maybe you were mistaken and we're supposed to Floo ourselves home," Sirius said. "Don't panic, James, they would never forget about you."

_Not right, not right, not right_, James's brain screamed.

"Well," he said, his voice straining a touch. "I suppose we Floo ourselves home then."

They walked to the Flooing station and Sirius purchased a small pouch of Floo Powder, as James was distracted enough to about step into the fire and burn himself. Remus went first, and called the destination of the shed on the edge of the grounds that could be safely gotten into via Floo, as the house wasn't connected on the Floo Network. Then Sirius went, followed by Peter.

"Uh, James," Lily said nervously. "Can I go first since this will be only the second time I've traveled over the Floo Network."

"Huh? Oh, yeah, go ahead, I'll be after you shortly." Lily stepped in and called the destination. James glanced around briefly, searching for the familiar faces of his parents. He didn't see them, so he stepped into the fire and called out his destination.

"The lights are on," Sirius said as soon as James stepped dizzily out of the firebox. He was looking out the shed window and across the dirt patch that used to be a field full of daisies and sunflowers and several other kinds of flowers. James looked out the window too. There were lights on in several of the windows, and he imagined it was to light the rooms that they five of them would be staying in. 

"Let's go," he said. "There's an underground passage from here to the middle of the tropical gardens. It will be warm in there with all the spells, so it'll be an easy walk."

"Our trunks," Lily began.

"Levitate them. We're all seventeen, the Ministry won't be looking too hard, especially on our property – they don't usually get out here much."

Once the trunks were all levitated, James led them through the underground passage. Lily noticed that there were several doors along the hallway leading to places she could only imagine, considering how grand this estate was. 

Sure enough, twenty minutes later, James led them through a doorway on the right and they ended up in the tropical gardens Lily had heard so much about but had never seen. It was rather warm in there, despite the fact that there were clouds hanging over all the palm trees. 

After a few more minutes of walking on the soggy earth, they ended up back in the cold of a plain, crisp snow-covered front yard and they trudged up to the front door. James pulled open the front door and everyone else followed in, Sirius shutting the door behind them. It was unnaturally quiet in the mansion, James noticed as he and his friends started pulling off their cloaks and scarves. He couldn't get over the fact that there was something wrong, very wrong. Geness Potter never forgot to pick up her son from school and the house was too quiet for there to have been any miscommunications.

"Mum!" James called. "We're here!" he shrugged, trying to keep his composure. _Not right, not right, not right,_ his brain screamed at him again. "Maybe they're upstairs or they could be downstairs with the house-elves getting dinner things in order. I'll check there."

"Peter and I will go upstairs," Remus said. He turned from the entrance hall and walked into the hallway that led to the sitting room where the stairway to the tops floors was located. James, Lily, and Sirius walked forward into the hall that led to the dining room. 

"Well, they were expecting us," James said. The dinnerware was already on the table and the candles had been burning for quite some time. "They couldn't have gone too far."

James walked down the five steps from the dining room disappeared into the kitchen that was put in for when his mum decided to cook, which was hardly ever. There was a loud thud and a strangled cry. Lily and Sirius tore through the dining room and jumped down the stairs into the kitchen with a sort of _splash!_ Lily looked at James, then around the room and instantly wished she hadn't. She couldn't cry out – her throat was too tight. All she could do was turn abruptly and fall into Sirius's arms.

Even with her eyes squeezed shut tightly and her face pressed so hard against Sirius's chest, she couldn't get the horrid picture out of her head. 

Sirius held to Lily with a grip like death.

James was curled on his hands and knees, sobbing, his tears falling into the large puddle of red.

* * *

**_A/N_**_: It's sick, guys. Real sick. Yes, I'm still stuck on the number of reviews I've gotten. I used to get at least fifteen per chapter, and chapter four…*shakes head* What is up? So, if you want me to continue, let me know you're reading this! Otherwise, I'll stop writing. I'm beginning to believe that this story has no purpose any longer. _

_Don't get me wrong, I am **very** thankful for the reviews that I got. And I love you all dearly, I promise!! I'm glad to those who gave me complements and constructive criticism, as I always am!_

_Now, if you'll excuse me, I've got to go be balled up on the couch, waiting for the jury to disclose the verdict on this story._

_Ta._

**_Lavender_**


	6. The Blood That Binds

**A/N:** Hello, all. I just wanted to say that, stay tuned at the end, because there will be a note to y'all.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Harry Potter or his friends, parents, other relatives, godparents, pets, potential lovers, or enemies. 

That said, enjoy!!!

**Falling into Grace**

**Chapter Six**

**The Blood That Binds**

Blood

So much blood.

It mixed with the tears and sweat and saliva from the monstrous cries that echoed between the cold stone walls of the kitchen that had been desecrated. There was a dreadful _splash, splash, splash_ as James's hand pounded into the pool.

"No!" he cried over and over again. "No, no, no!" 

Remus and Peter arrived at the scene a few minutes later. Peter stood shocked, eyes widened in horror. Remus's sensitive sense of smelling took in the stench of blood and death and hit made his stomach churn horribly until all the chocolate and sweets he had eaten on the train was emptied from his stomach.

"Mum!" James screamed. "Dad!"

* * *

Sirius carried Lily out of the kitchen and into the sitting room where the firebox was used to contact ministry officials. James refused to let Remus carry him out of the room. He cried like a little child, appalled at the sight of his parents' mangled bodies, but he wouldn't leave. Even when the ministry officials arrived, he stayed in the room until a burly wizard felt sorry enough for him that he stunned James with a Stunning spell and stuck his arm with a needle and syringe full of muscle relaxers and Dreamless Sleep potion. He was then handed over to a few other wizards who cleaned the blood and vomit off him and took him to the guest bedroom on the second floor and had a young witch keep an eye on him.

* * *

James looked blearily around the cold steel room. Everything was steel except for himself and his companion and a little black ashtray. It was like he was in a dream. He didn't really know where he was or why he was there, but it was some horrible reason. But he did know; that was the most horrible part. And it wasn't a dream. He wished more than anything that it was – but it was too repulsive to not be reality.

The wizard sitting across from him, whose name James didn't care to catch, sat staring at him intently.

"James," he said. It seemed that when you had a loss, it was perfectly okay to call you by your first name. "Do you mind if I smoke?" James shook his head no. Out of the corner of his eyes, James saw the wizard pull out a pack of cigarettes. "You want one?" James shook his head again.

The wizard took out a fag and lit it deftly with a match, then took a drag and exhaled loudly.

"James," he said again. "I know this is hard for you, but I'm going to have to ask you some questions."

"Was it Voldemort?"

"Excuse me?" James looked sharply at the light-haired wizard.

"Was it Voldemort?" he asked again.

"Well, that's what I was going to ask –"

"They didn't have any enemies. My dad worked in the Department of Magical Creatures and my mum was an Herbologist."

The wizard shook his head sadly. "Then you didn't know?"

"Didn't know? What didn't I know?"

"Your parents worked for the Department of Mysteries, James," the wizard said softly.

"What? No they didn't – I would have known."

"They were Unspeakables, James. Sworn to the utmost power of secrecy."

James could hardly think. "Then who would have done it?"

"Well," the wizard said. He took another drag then exhaled heavily. "Your father's assignment was the infiltrate the Russian Ministry because there were some beliefs that they were going to start a war on the English Ministry – for confidential reasons, mind you," he added, seeing James's questioning look.

"The point is, we believe that the Russian Ministry was responsible for the murder of your parents."

The wizard moved to shake the ash off the cigarette and James held out his hand. The elder looked at him for a few seconds before passing the fag to James. He put the white cylinder to his lips and took a long drag. James passed the cigarette back to the wizard and exhaled, blowing smoke off to the left of him. There was an awkward silence before the wizard spoke again.

"Your parents were required to make a will when they took the job of infiltrating the Russian Ministry. They knew it was a huge risk, but they were the best ones for the job." He took a drag off the cigarette and exhaled shortly this time. "Anyway, they left all their possessions to you. The house, the money, the estate, all the other estates they had – everything they owned. The Ministry is also entitled to pay you insurance because of the death of your parents. That comes to" – he put the cigarette out in the black ashtray and tried to calculate quickly – "fifty-three point eight million galleons. Counting the value of the estates that is. About forty million in hand."

James wanted to retch. It was sick – all so sick.

"What's wrong, James? You'll be set for life."

"I don't want your hush money!" James yelled. "I want my fucking parents back!"

The wizard looked sympathetically at the seventeen-year-old wizard. He didn't know how to comfort him. Finally after a moment of tense silence, James asked, "What happened? How did it happen?"

"The Ministry had been attacked several times, and we figured it was the Russians, so we sent your parents to infiltrate the Russian Ministry. Your father was pretending to be a Russian that worked with the English Ministry of Magic for years and had info for them. He brought along his Russian wife – your mother – who started an affair between herself and a man with the alias of Lukas Pisarev, who turned out to be Welsh Ministry rebel Harrison Pettigrew."

"Pettigrew?" James interrupted. "Peter Pettigrew's late father?"

"That same one," the wizard answered, pulling out his carton of cigarettes again. He offered one to James, who declined. When the fag was lit and there was a fresh cloud of smoke above them, the wizard continued.

"He was on the Russian side and your mum played as his lover for nearly a year."

"My forty-something year-old mother was a whore to one of my best friend's father? My mother isn't like that."

"She did what she had to. She disguised herself well, but she made one slip. One single slip to Pettigrew and he had to be disposed of before they killed her. So she asked him to meet her in a small wizarding town in Japan. She killed him and made it look like a natural cause."

"Heart attack," James said numbly. "My mum. She killed him. She was a murderer."

"She did what she had to under Ministry orders. If she didn't get rid of him then, he would have killed her."

"She ended up dead anyway. If he killed her first, I'd still have one parent at least," he muttered bitterly.

"I'm sorry, James. I really am. But that's life – that was their job."

The interview was over. It would not be the last, James knew, but he was thanking the deities that it was over finally. He walked out of the cold steel room and into the seemingly bright hallway of the Ministry of Magic.

"James!" He turned and saw Lily running towards him. She threw her arms around his neck. "How was it?"

"Great. Just bloody great. My mum wasn't an herbologist – no, she was a Russian whore!"

"What?" Lily pushed herself away from him.

"She was a spy for the Ministry. Both my parents were working for the Department of Mysteries and sent to infiltrate the Russian Ministry. It wasn't Voldemort that killed them – it was Harrison Pettigrew and his cronies at the Russian Ministry."

"Pettigrew?"

"Peter's father. She killed him in Japan, they found out and killed both of my parents."

"James, I'm so sorry –"

"Don't feel sorry for me. M parents didn't die – people I don't even know existed did." Lily looked at him carefully. He looked mad – about to snap. "I never knew. Never had an idea even. How could they? How could they not tell me? Then they get themselves brutally murdered and I _didn't even know_!"

"James, they were still your parents. Mourn the loss of the people you knew; don't scorn the ones you didn't know. I hardly know what my mum and dad are like. Just because I don't know all their personal life doesn't mean I don't know them. They're still my parents."

"It's not the same." He stared off into space for a moment.

"James, things will get better. I know they will. Things have been really rough lately, but everything will smooth out." James nodded slowly. Lily knew he was going to fall apart in tears again. To save his dignity, she took his hand and said, "Let's go back to your house and I'll make you some tea."

A few minutes later they were standing in the sitting room, sipping strong peppermint tea. Sirius, Remus, and Peter were there as well as Professor Dumbledore.

"James, could you explain to me what the situation is?"

James had not wanted to explain. He wanted to go back to sleep. He wanted to sleep forever. But he sipped his tea, scalding his tongue, trying to get it to work, and painfully launched into his story. Afterwards, Dumbledore nodded.

"Figures," he said. "I had no idea. I thought the Ministry attacks were by Voldemort. James, I don't know what to say. We know who did and why, so I don't know what else can be done. I will be sending two Ministry officials to stay here with you for the next couple of nights. The Blacks, Evans, Mrs. Pettigrew, and Ms. Lupin will all be contacted." Lily noticed he had refrained from just saying '_your parents will be contacted_.'

"I know this is difficult, James. I have lost any family members due to dark or rebellious nature." James knew he meant his biological daughter, though Dumbledore was unaware that James knew about that. 

The old man placed a sympathetic hand on James's back before disappearing out the front door.

"Come on, love," Lily said gently. "Let's go to bed."

As Lily and James were getting ready for bed, James leaned over the bed where Lily was lying and kissed her. Her kissed her thoroughly and moved his lips to the soft flesh on her throat, which was met by appreciative sighs.

A split second later, Lily pushed James away. "It's not right – your parents just died." James stared at her for a second.

"You're right. You always are and I love you for it. Very much so. You know that, right?" Lily half-smiled. Things are going to be okay, you know?"

"Absolutely, honey – everything's going to get better."

"I mean, it can't get worse."

"No, it can't," Lily agreed, pulling James down onto the bed with her. He squeezed her tightly then she rolled over so that he was spooning her. He ran his fingers though her hair to take his mind off reality until he fell asleep.

* * *

One floor up, Peter Pettigrew sat in his room, twiddling his fingers in agitated thought. 

It was the Potters' fault that his father had died and his mother was overprotective. It was their fault Peter felt the way he did. He had been very close to his father and they had to kill him because he was a rebel. Now James's parents were dead because of it. No less than they deserved, he thought.

He loved James, but it just wasn't fair!

Payback rendered in his mind. The name Potter should forever be his enemy. 

_No!_ his brain screamed.

He was changing mentally – he could feel it. He didn't want it to change, but there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. His life was a living hell.

Payback, it nagged again.

It would be a very long time before he got any sleep.

* * *

A week later, after the Alan and Geness Potter's funeral, the five were back at Hogwarts. It was Christmas Eve and they were invited to the usual holiday spirit tea, but James and Lily decided not to make an appearance. They were in their room, sitting on the couches in a contented silence.

"Lily, when we get married can start a family right away?"

Lily looked up from her task of picking the fingernail polish from her fingers. "Sure, James, if that's what you want."

James nodded. "And we can't keep any secrets from each other or our children, promise?"

"I don't keep any secrets from you, honey," Lily replied.

"I know – I didn't mean it to come out that way." He sighed in tension. "I don't have a family anymore."

"Sweetheart, you have me and Sirius, Remus, and Peter. We're your family – we always have been and always will be."

"Yes, but I have no blood relatives anymore. No grandparents, no cousins, no aunts or uncles. I'm the only one left. I need children to pass on the generation of my genes."

"Is _that_ what you want?" Lily asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes!" He cried. "And what if I die before I have any children? What then?"

"James, that's not going to happen."

"You never know," James said. "No one does."

"You're right, no one does." She got up from her seat.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm brushing my teeth – you're crazy, James, and I'm getting away from you for a few minutes." She grinned at him and he half-smiled back.

She reflected on the conversation while she was in the bathroom for a moment before picking up the vial that always magically refilled it self each night.

"Well, it's what he wants," Lily thought aloud. She took the top off, poured its contents down the sink and watched mindlessly as the clear liquid swirled down the drain.

"Lils, are you coming to bed?" James called. 

"Coming!"

She looked at the empty crystal container in her hand, then placed the lid back on and put it in its original place. She walked out of the bathroom to look for James. She found him lying on the bed in an easy-going pose that Lily always thought was sexy. He knew it too, and he slowly used his fingers to beckon her to the bed. She flushed and went to him where he kissed her one, twice, thrice, then moved his lips to her neck. Lily let out a small groan.

Soon they were One; lips, hips, passion matching, meeting, completing each other. And when they were sated, they lied down together, Lily in James's arms and he fell into a deep sleep.

Lily, on the other hand, traced her fingers over her naked lower abdomen, a panic – very small, but still a leaden weight – settled in her chest, knowing that the sequence of events that took place would reflect directly to the area she was stroking.

The words she was always telling James and herself were ringing in her ears: _Everything is fine; things will get better._

God, she really hoped so.

* * *

When the two awoke it seemed almost like things were back to normal – almost as if it was the very first year they were together, when the first few months were pure bliss. When they were falling…falling…falling free with nothing to hold onto but each other.

James kissed Lily softly on the brow and whispered sweet nothings in her ear. They had hit rock bottom and it was still possible to be blissful – even if the bliss was only temporary.

James ran his fingers from Lily's jaw and down her collarbone, then lower and lower until his fingers fluttered over her womb.

"I can't wait," he said quietly. Though he was oblivious to the life that was possibly flourishing there already. "Everything's going to be wonderful."

"Knock, knock! Happy Christmas!" Sirius's voice echoed in the sitting room.

"At least the hangings are closed," Lily said lightly. 

"Hang on a sec, mate," James called back. "We're no – uh – we're not –"

"You're not decent?" Remus asked.

"We know what your Christmas present was, James," Sirius said. The three boys in the sitting room chuckled and James's cheeks flushed, but Lily giggled.

"Stay here and I'll get you your nightgown," he said to her. He opened the curtains a minimum and stepped out. He was met by his three friends' whistles.

"Shove it," he said and threw Lily's nightgown at her. She slipped into it and came out from the bed.

"Happy Christmas!" Remus, Sirius, and Peter cried.

"Happy Christmas to you too," she replied, hugging them.

_Try not to know she's naked under there_, Sirius told himself as Lily embraced him and kissed his cheek. But his inner mantra didn't work so well.

"Presents!" Peter cried, pointing to the Christmas tree and the array of colored packages underneath it.

"Let's say we open them!"

"Sound like a charming idea," James said.

"That's a terrible idea," Sirius said. "People didn't spend seconds waving their wands to put beautiful paper on boxes so you'd just rip it to shreds. That's not what Christmas is about!"

"Sirius, you've been giving us corny speeches about the 'real' meaning of Christmas since first year," Remus said.

"Since he could talk," James interjected. "There's a new reason for Christmas every year."

"Why don't you stuff it, O Knowing Ones and we can open our gifts."

"I'm agreeing to that," Sirius said. He grabbed a package under the tree and, contrary to his berating statement, tore the wrapping to shreds and pulled it's contents out of the box.

"Blue and green stripped underwear!" he cried. "And they sing rock music when you press the button! Thanks, Lily!"

"Yes, I know you'd enjoy them. I had my mother send them to me just for you." Sirius kissed Lily, though tried to evade any physical contact.

The rest of the present opening was like a madhouse of colored paper and cries of satisfaction and when everything was open and they had gorged themselves with sweets (at nine o'clock in the morning) they sat down upon the couches and relaxed. Reflecting on the gifts they had gotten. 

Remus and Peter had gone in together to get Lily a charm bracelet with six charms – five of them were the first letters of all of their names and the sixth was an eternity knot.

"You always like that sentimental crap," Sirius said after Lily embraced Remus and Peter and kissed them twice on each cheek. "That's why I took the fastest way to your heart and got you a box of chocolates. They say the fastest way –"

"– To a man's heart is through his stomach," Lily finished.

"Yeah, I read that in one of my books. Muggle saying. But I decided that women like chocolate, so the fastest way to a woman's heart is by chocolate." Lily grinned.

"It's wonderful," she replied, hugging him tightly to her – so tight that Sirius's inner mantra had to play in his brain again.

"That's ridiculous," James said. "I've never heard of that."

"Well, it's not as ridiculous as seeing Sexy Suave Sirius in an apron fussing over fat-free carrot cakes and darning socks."

Sirius crossed his arms over his chest and replied sulkily, "I hope you know that your socks needed it – as well as some of you three's underwear." He pointed at his three friends. 

"You've touched out underwear?" Remus asked, clearly disgusted.

"Well, _someone_ had to make sure your bum was completely covered."

Lily looked at the three boys. "You have holes in your underwear? That's disgusting!"

James shrugged. "Not as disgusting as Sirius." 

"No, not as," Lily said. "More so!"

"Hey!" Sirius said defensively – even though he wasn't being accused of anything. "Someone has to make sure you have a good diet and have un-holey things to wear."

"The only 'unholy' thing I want to see anyone wear would be something I don't want to say and it would be on Lily!" James said. 

Lily rolled her eyes and flushed. "It never stops. It's a wonder that you're best friends."

"You're questioning my masculinity," Sirius said, his arms still crossed.

"I'm not the one who joined the Book-Slash-Homemaking Club," Remus said. 

"I'm telling you, to be more aware of your masculinity, you must be aware of your femininity," Sirius said. "You should try it sometime."

"Yeah, I'll look into that," Remus replied.

"How'd we get on this topic anyway?" Peter asked.

"It doesn't matter anymore," Sirius said. "He placed his hands on his hips. "How about some nice, fiber-filled chocolate chip cookies? I can whip them up in a half hour flat."

"Sirius, you're worse than having Lily as a Mum-Away-From-Mum," James remarked.

"I'll take that as a compliment," Sirius said, positively beaming. "Now let's get down to the kitchens." He stood and grabbed James and Lily's hands and dragged them towards the door.

"We'll be there in a minute, mates," Remus said. "We're going to do a bit of cleaning up in here."

"Bring me some clothes, then," Lily called at Remus and Peter, since Sirius was so intent on pulling her away and not letting her escape.

"We will, love," Peter said. He and Remus winked knowingly at Sirius before he shoved Lily and James out the door.

"You have an hour to get down there! Be on the sly," Sirius said. He winked back and exited after James and Lily. 

* * *

**A/N**: I want to truly thank everyone who reviewed. And I want to profoundly apologize if I had made anyone guilty about not reviewing. That was not the purpose. And I was in a strange, depressed mood that day, so I decided to be whiney about every little thing. It had been a very long week also – trust me on that one! 

But I absolutely appreciate everyone who did review and told me that they were there still out there, but just hiding at the moment. :o) And I am better now. My hormonal imbalance (lol) is over and I'm good as gold. 

**THANK-YOUS**

**Zetta** – First and foremost with everything! You were the first reviewer of this chapter. 

**dandylion345**

**me**

**lolololololo**

**Aileron** – Thanks ever so much for all the support! I luv ya for it!

**Becca**

**Magica**

**UnforgivenChild** – Hmm…thanks for the fact on no dreaming. I'll have to keep that in mind…it might be my next plot twist… :o)

**Ruby** – I've noticed a change in my writing style too. I'm just trying to figure out what I like best right now. It explains the mid-teenage crisis I'm going through. 

Wow. You know my life is boring when the most important thing in my life to give me a crisis is my fanfiction writing. :o)

**Lauren**

**PrincessOfDarkness**

**everblue3** – Thank you SO much for your review. I haven't had a long review in a very long time. It feels wonderful. And that is certainly the best review I've gotten in ages. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

**Tezka**

**Astrid**

**KewlKat**

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**Lilz**

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**Luisa**

* * *

Thanks again! This time I leave you with a thoughtful quote:

The writer is only as good as the pen in his hand, the wood on the table, and the characters he intends to sabotage.

Luvs from **_Lavender_**


	7. Extent of Sin

**A/N: **Please stay continued…There's an awesome surprise at the end of this chapter. Ohh…the suspense… Enjoy

**Disclaimer**: No, I do not own HP or anything else. But I do own something way better. See after chapter for details. :o)

**Falling into Grace**

**Chapter Seven**

**Extent of Sin**

_"Maybe just for tonight_

_We can pretend it's all right"_

_--Nine Inch Nails, kinda I want to_

The resident Gryffindors traveled up the stairs from the kitchens where they had gorged themselves on the cookies that Sirius made, and all other kinds of sweets the house elves shoved at them. What with all the sweets they had had earlier and then the new batch of them, they looked ready to be ill when they plopped down at the Gryffindor table for Christmas Brunch.

"I can't do it," Remus said, staring at his glass of orange juice. "Nasty sweet-overeating habit. I couldn't possibly eat another thing for twelve hours."

"You better be able to eat in twelve hours," Sirius said. "Because I'm making enchiladas for the – " he stopped suddenly, then winked at Remus. "The you-know-what."

"Are you having a party?" James asked.

"Of course not."

"Are you having a surprise party for James and me?" Lily asked. "Since it's our anniversary?"

"Shit!" Sirius exclaimed. "How do you do it?"

"I've been telling you this at least once a week: You're too predictable."

"Well, we'll act surprised for your sake," Sirius," James said, beaming. He clapped his best friend on the back.

Several hours later, James and Lily were brought back to their rooms to their "surprise" party. Gifts were given to them, and Sirius made a wonderful dinner for the fifth, sixth, and seventh year Gryffindors that attended, and a monstrous chocolate cake with two candles on it for two years in the running. He conjured several glasses of champagne and even more bottles. He grinned, seeing his peer's faces, knowing where this would be going. _These poor dehydrated people_, Sirius thought, _starved for being smashed, but nothing for tolerance._

"I'd like to give the toast," he said, "since this party is my doing." He held up his glass full of golden bubbling liquid. "My father always used to toast this when he had parties: May you live three days in Heaven before the Devil realizes you're dead."

"Here, here!" cried everyone in the room before taking the first sip of their champagne.

After that, Sirius produced several more bottles of hard liquor. Where he had gotten all this, no one knew and he refused to say, so they just sucked up their liquor from the tiny little glasses, wondering what to do with such a small glass until they saw Sirius, the rebel as usual, lick the inside of his wrist, down the contents of a small glass, then chase it by squeezing lime juice onto his tongue. Everyone else knew what to do then.

The rest of the night consisted of what Lily considered an American teenage thing to do: getting shitfaced until you couldn't see any longer, then drinking some more. Perfectly logical, it seemed, especially at the time. Drinking games ran from the obscene to the complex, and James played all of them, while Sirius was busy playing Spin the Bottle (with an empty bottle of gin, as noted) and kissing half the girls at the party. Remus was the only one acting sober, or maybe he really was sober, considering that there might have been different alcohol tolerance levels for a werewolf. But he didn't say no to quite a few butterbeers or glasses of champagne. He even took two shots of dragon's blood – by far the most potent alcoholic drink in the wizarding world. 

Lily was especially surprised at how many shots James knocked back. "This is our first drunken party ever," she said, trying to get information out of him without his knowing. "Seems people are handling it well." But James kept silent, not willing to inform Lily that he had spent that majority of the last year drunk or hung-over. 

Several hours later, when the morning hours were approaching, everyone went back down to their dorms, whether by means of their own wobbly legs or someone else's, as there were a few people that had passed out on the couches in the sitting room. James and Lily stumbled wearily into their bedroom, skirting around a puddle of spilled something-or-other, they made sure that no one was trysting anywhere in their room, and then flopped into bed. 

"Quite a success," Lily whispered into James's ear.

"Remind me never to do that again," he said.

"We'll kick Sirius's arse in the morning. It was his idea, remember?"

James nodded and yawned exhaustedly. He kissed his girlfriend softly before rolling over and falling into a drunken dream. 

* * *

He had had to forget. 

Two years. 

He was happy for them. Happier than anyone else would be for them. But, god, he could not take it any longer. The way things were that morning when they opened up their Christmas presents, he wanted to die right then and there. From the pain of trying to hold himself back, and from the pleasure of thinking of all the things he could do to her while she was only wearing her thin nightgown with absolutely nothing on underneath. 

So he had opted to drink, instead of sulk at the party, wishing that it was he instead of his best friend James standing there beside Lily; he had never been much of a drinker. But he drank one after another, until his fingers and toes tingled, until he couldn't feel his nose or his legs, until he kissed all the girls at the party except for the one he wanted so desperately to lay his lips on. He hoped all that would be a distraction to him, but it wasn't. 

And here he was in bed, thinking about her again, staring into the blackness of his covered sanctuary. Seeing images in the darkness. Tousled hair, pouting lips, heated flesh. Whispering, moaning, screaming. 

He rolled over to get the images out of his head. He loved looking at them, but he knew it was wrong. There was just a hormonal imbalance in his body right now, that was all; and the sole reason to his wanting her so much. Lily was like his sister, which sounded really wrong when he thought about it. But it was true. He had never wanted someone so much, so badly, that it was all he could do not to rip her clothing off every time she so much as looked at him.

But the oddest thing was not that he had never had feelings for her and all of a sudden did, but that he _still_ didn't have any feelings for her in any kind of romantic way and still wanted her. That was the most confusing part about it. 

He was stuck in the middle of something, and he hoped to whatever god was out there that he could get through this without attacking her. If it didn't pass over in a week, he'd go see Madam Pomfrey. If he didn't, he'd do something drastic. 

He swallowed, afraid to think of what that might be…. He turned over again and felt himself floating into a dream state, where he saw her standing on the stairs, deliciously blocking his way up to his room. She wore a pretty little see-through nightgown, and red leather knickers showing plainly underneath. 

_One more dream can't hurt_, he thought, opting against waking himself up. _As long as it's a dream_.

* * *

"This, my sweet, isn't working." He fondled the dazed girl's plait of auburn.

"I've tried, my Lord," she said.

"I know you have, my love, but he's a stupid boy too loyal to his friends. Ah, but I guess that's why we want him on our side, now isn't it?"

She could hear the emphasis on the word _our_. Maybe that was because she was going in and out of her stupor, her brain overloading with confused dreaming and confused reality.

"And it is his stupidity that is causing my impatience, therefore, the charm I've placed upon him isn't enough. We're going to have to take drastic measures. New Years Eve, my precious," he said with a kiss to her ear. "You will take your gift of powers to a higher level and do my will." He looked off into the east, over the trees, where the sky was becoming the gray of morning.

"Yes, Lily, my darling, Sirius Black will be mine, and James Potter will follow on a silver platter."

* * *

New Years Eve brought the second night of the full moon, and a torturous hell for Sirius. All day he couldn't even look at Lily without getting indecent thoughts in his head. He wanted her so bad that it hurt. He ached for her so much that a physical aching came about and he was cursed with a hideous stomachache. This meant that he was too ill, despite his protesting, to go down to the Shrieking Shack and transform with the rest of his mates.

So, when 11:30 pm rolled around, Sirius was looking gloomily out the window at the Forbidden Forest, wondering if the three were having a grand old time, while he stood there, freezing in the common room with his hands on his roiling stomach. He was nauseous for sure, and he couldn't stand there forever, so he gently lied on the squashy sofa.

He felt like he was going to die. He hadn't felt that way since he broke every bone in his body at age seven when his father had placed a broomstick between his legs and pushed him off the ledge of their Irish castle – his father's way of teaching him how to ride a broomstick. Or was it when Snape pulled down his trousers in third year during Care of Magical Creatures? He couldn't remember, nor did he want to rattle his brain (or stomach) thinking about it.

Another wave of nausea hit him and he squeezed his eyes shut, concentrating on the black of nothingness. A few seconds later, he opened his eyes and looked around the common room. It was still dark, but the fire in the grate looked much larger and…had the pendulum on the grandfather clock stop working?

He stood instantly and fell back down again, dizzy. He tried again, this time steadying himself on the back of the couch and made his way slowly to the staircase so he could spend the rest of the miserable night in his own bed. But, he found that someone blocked the staircase.

And that someone was a nightgown-clad Lily Evans. And, _oh_ was that nightgown very, very translucent. She was standing upon the third stair, so she was slightly higher than he, and she was in a very seductive pose, showing her bare breasts and risqué knickers through the fabric.

"Li – Lily?"

His mouth had gone dry. This was his ultimate fantasy. Was this real? Or was it only a dream for the hundredth time? She was certainly wearing what she always had in his dreams, but there was something different about this Lily – something _real_.

As if on cue, Lily leaned forward, the way she had hundreds of times every night, and pressed her lips to him. Her lips made his tingle, a sign that she was more real than he expected. She opened her mouth under his, licking his lips, flicking her tongue against his teeth, she wrapped her arms around his neck.

_Oh my god, Merlin's beard…_If this was a dream, he did not want to wake up.

He put his arms around her waist and pushed her up the stairs to his dorm. Then he stopped, realizing something.

Lily was _real_. This wasn't a dream – he could tell be the way his lips tingled when they kissed, by the exotic heat emanating from her, her scent of sunflowers. She was never warm or smelled sweet in his dreams.

"Don't ask questions," she whispered in his ear, her warm breath tickling his ear. God, he wanted her so bad, but if he didn't stop now, it'd be the point of no return….

She didn't seem to mind while pulling him up the stone steps. Once inside his dorm, Lily turned and locked the door with a charm. Sirius's stomach churned and he doubled over.

"My stomach," he groaned.

"Get rid of it," Lily said. "You caused your own stomachache, now get rid of it."

Sirius closed his eyes and concentrated as hard as he could on making his stomach feeling better. And, strangely enough, it had stopped. He opened his eyes and looked at Lily, who was beaming at him. She winked before tugging the hem of her nightgown over her head. She stood before him only in her red leather knickers.

Perhaps this was a dream. Lily would never think about owning a pair of sexy little panties like that, let alone wear a pair. And red leather was _his_ fantasy, not her reality. 

_Why the hell are you even worrying about this right now?_ his brain, suffering from rapid blood loss, screamed. Maybe his obscure thoughts from the day were turning into obscure dreams, making everything seem more real. Possibly his body craved so much that it made it more real than ever.

That was it, he decided; it was his last thought before losing all of them and giving in to touching her, kissing her. He tasted her, worshipped her. She was unlike anything he had ever known. And when she couldn't take anymore of the sweet, torturous bliss, she pulled him into her. Then they were no longer at Hogwarts, but just _there_, with only each other and the stars and echoes surrounding them, filling them. 

When they returned to Hogwarts, sated and sweaty, the clock in the corner of the dorm chimed midnight. Lily smiled chillingly and whispered in his ear, "Happy New Year."

"To think that some people just get a kiss on New Year's," Sirius murmured back, situating Lily in his arms. 

For the first time in a long time, he felt absolutely perfect.

* * *

When Sirius opened his eyes again, he looked around the room at his surroundings. He frowned. It seemed he was back on the couch, and the grandfather clock in the corner of the room indicated it was five minutes after midnight. 

No, he wasn't _back_ on the couch – he had never left it. The realness of the dream must have been from a pain-induced slumber. Just another dream. He didn't know whether to rejoice or sulk. It was amazing – simply the best on the sex scale. Sirius smiled at the thought of rating a dream, and decided he should get up to his bed. 

He stood slowly, trying to get his slackened muscles to work, hoping his stomach wouldn't start hurting again. As he stood, something fell from his lap to the floor and he slowly bent over to pick up the item. He dropped it instantly when he realized what it was.

"_Oh. My. God_."

* * *

When Sirius awoke again from his ten-minute sleeping spurt – which he had been doing all night – he could hear Peter and Remus stumbling into the room. There was the sound of shuffling, then silence, followed by the sound of sniffing.

"What is it?" Peter asked. 

Sirius felt under his pillow to see if the item was still under there.

"Nothing," Remus replied. It was a clear lie.

Sirius pulled back his hangings. Remus turned his head and looked at him sharply.

"Are you feeling better?" Peter asked.

"Much, thanks. Did you guys have fun?"

"Not as much as you," Remus replied, raising an eyebrow.

"Yeah, nursing a stomachache," Peter said.

"That wasn't all he was nursing," Remus said. Sirius scowled at him. Damn werewolf senses – he could probably smell Lily, smell _other _things. 

Peter left to take a shower, and all that was left was the thick silence between Remus and Sirius. Was he going to comment? Sirius wondered, slightly panicked. Remus just kept sniffing, knitting his eyebrows. Sirius wondered what was wrong.

Remus knew exactly what was wrong. He thought it smelled like Lily – it certainly was her perfume, but there was the difference in the smell of hormones. Sweat, sex, Sirius, and a confusing smell of Lily.

He knew, but he kept his mouth shut. And as he did, he could smell the fear on Sirius, emanating like an acrid perfume. He knew that he knew, but he wasn't going to say anything either.

* * *

At breakfast, the discomfort continued, or at least for Sirius it did. It seemed to him that no one else had even an inkling about what happened last night, other than himself and Remus, which was really strange that it was only those two, because Lily seemed completely cheerful – more so than usual – and kissed James openly in front of Sirius, not even showing that they were having any problems, like they had been before. 

Sirius had never been subject to hallucinations before, and he was damned if last night was one! Remus knew, he could smell it, of course. But Lily was completely unaware. 

When the bell rang for the start of the first class after winter holiday, Sirius grabbed Lily's arm and stated rather loudly something about asking her about an assignment. Lily looked confused but nodded and followed Sirius out of the Great Hall and far away from any eavesdroppers.

"What assign-"

"Um…yeah, I wanted to talk to you about last night."

"Last night?" Lily echoed.

"I don't know what happened or what caused it to happen, but I realize it was a one-time thing. Christ, it was the best experience of my life."

"What are you – ?"

"I mean, that was the most amazing, mind-blowing sex that we had."

"You and what army?" she asked, folding her arms under her breasts. Luscious, he decided last night. Soft and warm and –

He stopped himself and pondered Lily's question. "What?" he asked, deciding he didn't understand.

"You and who?" Sirius blinked.

"Lily, are you ill?"

"No, the question is, are _you_ ill?"

"I know what happened. I'm sure you don't want anyone to find out. I'm not going to say anything – like I said, I realize it was one-time thing."

"Sirius, what are you talking about?"

"Last night. You and me."

At this, Lily laughed. "Only in your dreams!" 

Sirius scowled. He had proof that it wasn't a dream. "It _wasn't_ a dream!" Exasperated, he pulled the pair of red leather knickers from out of his pocket, the same pair that he found in the common room and hid under his pillow. "How did I get these then?" Lily's eyes widened, whether from recognition or shock, or possibly from horror, he didn't know. "I found them on me, Lily. You left them."

"Sirius, you're starting to scare me."

"God, Lily. It was beautiful." He touched a stray strand of her auburn mane. You were beautiful. You _are_ beautiful."

Lily backed a few steps away.

"I'm going now, Sirius. If you plan on speaking to me again, I suggest you visit Madam Pomfrey first." She turned and started walking away rather swiftly.

"I know what I saw, Lily!" Sirius called at her retreating back. "You can't deny it!"

A few fourth year Hufflepuffs passed, eyeing Sirius nervously. He just glared at the young students and walked off the opposite direction, hoping against hope that whatever those damn nosy Hufflepuffs overheard wouldn't turn into a vicious rumor.

* * *

Lily sat on her bed, thinking. Thinking, thinking, thinking until her brain hurt. The matter? If only it was a simple no to the question. But it wasn't.

She couldn't deny it.

She had no recollection of last night with Sirius, but there was the extremely small fact that that those were her knickers he had. How shocked she had been when he pulled those out! Had she slept with him? Well, he seemed to think so, and Sirius wouldn't lie to sabotage his best friends' lives. He'd go over to the Dark Side before doing that. And everyone knew he'd die before that.

But would he? Had she been drugged? It hadn't felt like it, for sure; but then again, how could she tell?

She knew that Sirius had been feeling certain ways towards her lately, but she didn't think he'd take that much trouble for her. Not stubborn old Sirius. Fight to the death before giving in, he always said. 

But there was something nagging at her brain, saying, "He needs help…New Years Eve…" She clearly didn't remember someone telling her that. It was a man's voice…someone she knew and trusted quite well, she could tell, but couldn't place it. According to the nagging voice, did that mean that she went to his bed out of the goodness of her heart to ease his troubles?

She slapped her hands on her thighs in frustration and felt a sharp pain. She shifted in order to lift up her pleated skirt to investigate the trouble. At the top of her left inner thigh was a neat, green bruise in the shape of a bite mark.

And she remembered.

* * *

**A/N**: Grr…. I hate endings. They frustrate me as much as they do you. Sorry for the delay. I've had a lot of stuff going on lately, but finally, it's all passed and I'm out of school for the summer! Yay me! 

Ahem… Anyway. On to the thanks-yous! And I have to apologize that they're short, but I'm just so damn excited!!!

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	8. Breakdown

**A/N: **_I'm sorry this one took so long to get out. Writer's block again. But I hope you enjoy nonetheless. _

**Disclaimer**: _I do not own Harry Potter nor anything that you recognize that came from JKRowling. The things that you don't recognize are a doing of my own._

**Falling into Grace**

**Chapter Eight**

**Breakdown**

It wasn't that Lily remembered, per se, but it was rather that she had images in her head of such an event where she had received the neat bite mark on her thigh, as if seeing a clip from a moving picture. She saw it as if it had been a nightmare from the night before, a fuzzy image, a blur of passion, and a hazy bit of pain.

She sat on her bed, rubbing her fingers over the mark and morbidly wondered what battle wounds Sirius came away with. She took off her own clothing and looked around for more wounds that she'd have to heal. She was so confused that tears started welling in her eyes. She was on the brink of crying before but this last just pushed her over the edge and her eyes became a fountain of salty, horrified tears.

Well, the verdict was clear. _Guilty as charged, lock me up and throw away the key_, she though, swiping at her eyes. She hated herself right now. She nearly wanted to leave the marks on herself, to wear them like a cross, to show them for penance. But James would see them, and for him to see her suffering was like condemning herself to hell.

She took her wand and bitterly healed herself with charms. She looked at herself in the full-length mirror. She had lost a little weight since she had been at school, but she liked herself this way. "To die for," the mirror said when she traced her fingers over her curves. Though James had always loved how full-figured she was. He always thought she was sexy. 

She had to turn away from the mirror when she thought of that. She had given her body only to James. Now it had been desecrated. She didn't know what to think anymore. She only knew that she would never speak of this again, not to Sirius, not to James, nor to herself. 

She excused herself from classes that day. She needed to recoup. 

* * * 

Remus elbowed James awake during History of Magic. James looked up alertly and then glared at Remus when he realized who had woke him.

"What is it? I was having good dreams."

"Where's Lily?" Remus asked.

James looked around to acknowledge that she wasn't by his side or anywhere else.

"Hmm…let me use my telepathy to call her," James replied sarcastically, placing his fingertips on his temples. Remus smacked the back of his head. "Seriously, I have no idea where she is, but she wasn't feeling very good this morning. Probably that time of the month or something." Remus nodded, wondering if that was why her hormones smelled different. Though she never smelled that way before. 

"You don't think she's in – er – any other trouble do you?"

"Lily? Well, other than the fact that she's a woman, no. I mean, she's been distracted because of nightmares and school, stuff like that."

"You haven't been having any problems lately, have you?"

"No, not at all. Everything's been a dream." He narrowed his eyes at Remus. "She hasn't said anything to dispute my statement, has she?"

"No, no, not…of course not. I was curious because she's been closed off lately."

"We all have – it's the stress, mate," Jams said, running a hand through his hair. 

"And everything's okay in the you-know-what department?" 

James's cheeks flushed, the tacit pact broken. Their unspoken agreement was always never to ask about each other's sex lives. It didn't seem like a manly thing, not to boast, but as long as they were the closest of friends they would never brag about anything to each other.

"Well, um…it's been great," James said, his face burning. "I mean, she's a demon." He looked away in embarrassment.

Well, so that settled it. She was a demon in the sack and was using it to entice other people. Or just Sirius. But they didn't have any attraction to each other before. They were like brother and sister. Which was a nasty thought, he decided, so he settled on the thought that they were more like stepsiblings. But it didn't suffice. He just couldn't figure out why those two would do something like that. 

He glanced at Sirius, who appeared to be sleeping, his head hidden in his arms.

If things felt complicated before, it was nothing compared to how it was at that moment. 

* * *   
The common room fire had reduced to glowing embers before James and Lily decided to call it a night from studying for a Potions quiz. Peter had long since dragged himself to bed, and Sirius and Remus were the only two left in the spacious room.

"Maybe we should get to bed, mate," Remus said. Sirius was watching Lily climb the staircase. He didn't answer. He hadn't spoken all day since his chat with Lily. Since then he hadn't felt a need to use any words - no words could describe how he felt. A few words came close - depressed, worried, still blindingly amazed - but none of them really fit. Nor did they come close to Mental Breakdown, how he thought he was be handling the situation.

It had at first seemed that Lily was simply denying the situation, but as he looked back upon it, he realized how shocked she had been to see him holding up her knickers, as if she really had no idea how he had gotten them. After that, it had truly hit him that she had had no idea what was going on. And he wondered how much of that was his fault. Had he done something drastic during his illness and had hallucinated Lily coming on to him, but had really done something horrible to her? Was it possible that he had forced her to be with him, and then erased her memory? 

Sirius remained staring at the dark, empty staircase. Remus stared at him. Who the hell did he think he was? Remus wondered. It was always about Sirius. Always about how much he could get away with and not get into trouble. It was always about what he wanted; and when he wanted something, he took it, no questions asked. He always had to be the disturber of the peace. The home-wrecker.

Remus felt his blood boil. He had been upset with Sirius before, but nothing had ever come closer to pissing him off more than this situation right now. 

"I don't know what you think you're doing," Remus said quietly, ominously, "but you've got to end it right now."

Sirius looked at him sharply. 

"What do you know?" Sirius hissed. He was filled with panic, and he felt anger grow inside him because he knew now that his suspicions were true: Remus did know about last night with Lily. And what made him even more angry was the thought Remus knew more about the situation than Lily did. 

"I know that she doesn't love you." Sirius gave him a look of pure ice. "And that you don't love her."

He was right. Sirius loved Icilyn, not Lily. There was a deep affection for Lily, an affection that could be compared to the love of a sister or dear friend; and for Icilyn, there was real love, the kind of love that made Sirius want to be with her all the time, that made him think about her all the time. They were two completely different types of sincerities, and Sirius had often wondered how he could have gotten the two confused when thinking about Lily. 

"I'm going to bed," Sirius said, hoisting himself out of the squashy armchair. He traveled up the spiraling stone steps to the seventh year boys' dorms, wondering if it was a blessing or a curse that Remus had put two and two together.

* * *

Remus sat staring in the direction of the spiraling staircase tot he girls' dorms that eventually led to the room James and Lily resided in.

He felt anger inside him. An anger for Sirius deeper than any hatred he'd felt for Sirius or anyone else. Not even when Sirius sent Snape into the tunnel under the Whomping Willow had he been this hacked. It was almost as if he, Remus, was the controller of the smooth operation of everything, and Sirius had gone and messed with his doings of peacekeeping. It was an odd analogy, but that was the kind of annoyance he was feeling. 

To his surprise, Lily came walking back down the staircase he was staring at. She was in a nightgown with a dressing gown pulled carelessly over. She spotted him and looked mildly surprised.

"Oh, Remus, I didn't know you'd still be down here. What are you doing up so late?"

"I should be asking you the same question," Remus replied, raising an eyebrow a few millimeters. 

"I couldn't sleep," Lily replied simply. "I was going to get something from Madam Pomfrey."

"I'll accompany you," he said, standing and holding out his arm in a gentlemanly fashion.

He'd be damned if he was going to stop keeping the peace even with the current situations. 

* * *

Lily found it rather odd that Remus was still up when she had gone back down the stairs to the common room. She had been hoping to get up to the seventh year boys' dorms, but had been stopped by Remus and had been forced to make up an excuse. The excuse wasn't a lie - she really couldn't sleep. But she was put out by the thought that she'd have to wait for another time to talk to Sirius, to apologize to him for being a bitch, and most of all, for not remembering. 

She smiled bitterly in the darkness of the corridor. It had been the night of Sirius's life, but she didn't remember a thing. She felt bad for him, but she couldn't help but feel he brought that upon himself. How was she supposed to feel guilty about it when it probably wasn't her fault in the first place. But she felt guilty when she thought of blaming Sirius. _It takes two to tango_, her mother always said, and somehow it had to be her fault because she got herself into the mess in the first place.

Before she could drive herself crazy by thinking about whose fault this mess was, Remus stopped for a second, then turned into an unused classroom.

"What's wrong, Remus?" Lily asked, staring at him through the darkness.

"I should be asking you the same thing," he replied. "Lily, I'm not going to pretend to you that I don't know what's going on. I know that something has happened between you and Sirius, but what I'd like to know is why."

Lily pushed Remus away and backed up a few steps, crashing into a stack of chairs, then sank to the floor. 

"Nothing," Lily lied. "Did he tell you something?"

"No," Remus said, walking towards Lily cautiously, watching her facial _expression of fear in the darkness, smelling her panic, smelling her. "I have a knack for human scents." He could see Lily knit her eyebrows in confusion, so he explained, "I smelled you, I smelled him, I smelled sex, Lily."

He stopped and sat next to her. She couldn't see him, but he could see her with his wolf eyes, her saw her in yellows and greens with a slight reddish aura that was the heat emanating from her. He almost felt that he had the advantage to the situation. 

She had placed her head in her hands. When she felt Remus next to her, she scooted away, feeling that if he touched her, she'd dirty him too, like she had with Sirius. She started to cry silently, but Remus knew.

"What happened, Lily?"

"I...I don't know what happened," she said, sniffing.

"What do you mean you don't know?"

"I can't remember." She swiped at her eyes. Remus reached over and wiped a tear off her cheek. 

"What can't you remember?" he asked, staying calm.

"I can't remember a goddamn thing, that's what," Lily said harshly. "I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. It was just such a shock when Sirius came up to me and mentioned something. I thought he was joking. And then....and then...."

"And then what?"

"And then I remembered. Not remembered like you do when you think back on something you did a few days ago, but I remembered like it was something I had read in a book, or seen in a film. It was like it didn't happen to me, but to someone else that looked like me."

Remus knitted his eyebrows. That was something he hadn't expected. His brain was turning swiftly with all the ideas of what could have happened. He wondered if she didn't actually slept with him, but that wasn't possible - his sense of smell was never wrong. But, perhaps if Lily was going crazy, then the world could be capable of falling apart. She was always the proverbial rock that was the foundation for the house, she was always knew the method to the madness, and knew how to make everyone sane again. If she was capable of coming unglued, perhaps the whole world was too; making him, for once, wrong.

"Is it possible that it didn't happen?" he asked.

Remus could see her shaking her head, and she answered with, "No. Everything that occurred is proven with marks and other things." She swiped at her eyes again. She was beginning to shake, whether from fear, or from grief, Remus didn't know. He moved closer to her again, and wrapped his arms around her.

"I've been turned upside down, lately," she said. "I don't know what's been wrong with me. I don't sleep, I don't eat, and everything's not right, but it is right at the same time." She wanted to add, but thought it would sound too awkward, _It's like I've been told to do these things, and I do them, but I don't know why._

It was a strange story, but Remus believed her. He knew that Lily took responsibility for her actions at all times, and seeing her broken up like this was proof that she was trying to take responsibility for her actions, but couldn't, because she still couldn't believe that she had done the action in the first place.

"Lily," he whispered quietly in her ear, "I believe you. I know you love James more than anything in the world. I'm going to help you find out what happened that night, and what's been going on with you lately." He kissed her cheek very lightly, then helped her up. "But first, we're getting you some Dreamless Sleep potion, so you can stop having nightmares and finally get some sleep."

He took her hand in his and led her out of the classroom and back down the hall towards the infirmary.

* * *

Over a thousand miles away, Icilyn Garicky sat in an understuffed armchair, nervously twiddling her thumbs. She knew what she was doing in this house, and she knew how she had found it and had gotten there, but what she didn't know was where she had gotten the courage to come here, and what she was going to do if she wasn't believed. 

The door to the left of her opened, and entered a figure with a black cloak and a silver mask. He did not bow, nor greet her, as the one who had led her to this room, but he did smirk behind the mask and say, "A woman," as if it had been a while since he had seen one and was ravenous for female touch.

Icilyn drew herself up straight in her chair, bound not to be put down or shut up until she knew the truth, or until they killed her. 

"Requesting to be recruited?" the man asked, stepping towards her and touching a lock of her midnight hair. 

"No, sir," she said, pushing back the uncomfortable feelings towards the situation.

"Offering services to the wizards of our cause?" the man inquired, now running a finger up and down her neck. 

"I have come to speak with the Dark Lord," Icilyn said calmly, collectedly - completely the opposite of what she was feeling. 

"Everyone who comes to see my Master goes through me," he said silkily, his fingers now tracing towards her chest. But her next words made the man jump back, as if a snake had bit him:

"Then you can tell him his daughter is here to see him."

* * *

_A/N: I'm sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. I had a major road block frequent my way, and it took ages to get over. I even thought about giving this up. But I decided that I couldn't leave the story like this, and not letting you know what was going to happen. I figured y'all would murder me anyway. So, here it is. It's a little sticky, a little slippery, but it's here, and I've got lot of ideas for chapter nine, as the plot starts growing thicker. _

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THANK-YOUS

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**Whitney**

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**not sum 1 u know **

**Stormy1x2 - **_Yep, the night of Siri's life and Lily can't remember a thing. Thanks for saying that and giving me a good line to add into the story! :o)_

**Samantha**

**everblue3 - **_Aye! Maybe I didn't explain it well, but that's stupid on my part. I meant that Peter's father was part of the Russian Ministry of _Magic_. Not the Muggle ministry. But thank you for pointing that out to me - I'll have to go back and fix that and repost that chapter. And I know what you mean about people thinking their story more credible if they have more facts. That's not what I was trying to do. Did the Russian Muggle ministry have problems in 1977? How the hell should I know? I just added that part in because the Potters had to have a reason to get killed, right? ;o) It just worked out that way. Thank you again for letting me know about that, and sharing your feelings, I really appreciate that!!!_

**Aileron - **_Yes, I like to start innocently at first, then work my way up. It shocks the readers rather nicely, I think. Drop me a line as soon as you get your new email set up, or as soon I learn your new one I will, because I miss chatting with you!_

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**Zetta - **_Yes, I find it a little creepy that Sirius is walking around with women's underwear in his pocket. But hey, at least he's not walking around _wearing_ them, right? :o) _

* * *

_Thank you all you wonderful people who reviewed chapter seven!_

_Well, it's time for me to go, dearies. I must start working on the next chapter, as there is much to write about. _

_Happy Writing and Reading!_

_~Lavender **hpfan04@yahoo.com**_

**_MWPP fan? Lazy? Come join us procrastinators over at the Lazy MWPP Writers Unite! (click the link in my profile) Hope to see you there!_**


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